


Mike Gets Drawn Together

by PerkyGoth14



Category: Drawn Together (Cartoon), Mike Lu & Og
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2018-03-03 02:06:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2834213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PerkyGoth14/pseuds/PerkyGoth14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Foxxy Love is asked to stay in a house with other people she doesn't know, but feels empty along the way, she decides to adopt a child named Mike Mavinsky on the way and raise her in the house as her child and to take on anything they both can being in the world's first animated reality show.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I own no one but OC's, I hope everyone is in character. Read & Review!

Foxxy Love, a 23-year-old ex-band member of the Foxxy Five. She started to feel lonely lately since her and the other members of her band broke up, so she signed up to live in a house with other housemates. That wouldn't do it, in the process, she felt more lonely. The woman sighed and she wondered what to do as she walked down the sidewalk in the crummy place she lived in where murders are shrugged off as normal, almost everyone is a jerk, and accidents happen on such a frequent basis. Foxxy looked around and she found herself stumbling into foster care.

She heaved a sharp sigh and decided to go inside despite her mind nagging at her to not do such a thing. It was nearly evil to be apart of foster care, she could sort of relate though. Her father abandoned her at a very young age, but she insisted that he was only going out for a pack of cigarettes. She was still sure he was going to return, but it might have been a mental thing to cope with the abandonment of her father and being left alone with her mother and lived with her until she was fourteen.

"Excuse me, I would like to adopt a child...?" Foxxy came to the front desk.

"Gee? At a foster home? What gave you that inspiration?" the man snorted at her.

Foxxy glared at him. "Just bring me a kid!"

"Alright, alright, don't rob me," the man mumbled a racial stereotype, then took out a book of potentional children to be adopted. "Now, what sort of child are you looking for?"

"Just one that'll keep me happy and busy," Foxxy sighed. "I don't wanna make the same mistakes my parents did."

"Aw, must be tough bein' born in the ghetto, huh?" the man joked again.

Foxxy grabbed his collar. "If y'all don't bring me no kid, I will REALLY bust your ass in this joint!"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry!" the man panicked, then pushed the call button. "Miss Hannigan, bring in the orphans who DON'T sing."

"Yes, sir!" a sharp female voice said on the other line. There then came a miserable looking woman who had three kids and pushed them in like she were sweeping them and thought of them as garbage and then left.

"These are the best we can do." the man told Foxxy.

Foxxy came over and bent down. There was a girl in a blue dress, puffy brown hair, white tights, and black dress shoes. There was a boy in a sailor suit with curly blonde hair. And there was a girl with ginger pigtails, a red shirt, red skirt, white socks, red and white sneakers and had a golden earring on her right ear. The last girl looked as though she had given up on all hope of being adopted.

"You." Foxxy gestured to that girl specifically.

"Huh?" the pigtailed girl looked up to her.

"What's yo name?"

"Oh, ummm..." the girl dropped her voice low to a whisper and mumbled out the name.

"Speak up, child!" Foxxy demanded.

The girl mumbled again.

"Listen girl, where I come from, you gotta speak within earshot or you'll get shot!" Foxxy nearly hissed at the girl. "Now tell me, what is your name!?"

The girl sighed and folded her arms. "Michelene."

The other orphans snickered at her name which made the girl deeply scowl at them and raise her fist.

"My friends call me Mike though." the girl then said.

"What friends?" the boy taunted.

"I'll do it, even if I'll be your new mother." Foxxy stood straight back up, smiling.

"Really?" the girl's eyes lit up.

"Really?" the man, sailor boy, and pretty girl echoed.

"Really," Foxxy confirmed, then took Mike's hand. "Sir, I'd like to adopt this gender confused child!"

"What!?" Mike blinked.

"A black chick adopts a white urchin, it's like backwards Webster." the man filled out forms and handed Foxxy a paper. "Sign here and she's all yours."

"Gladly." Foxxy sat down the sign the forms.

"Umm... Mom?" Mike spoke up, trying to adjust to calling the woman that now since they were now mother and daughter.

"Now, now, you ain't gonna call me that now," Foxxy turned to her. "You will call me 'Mama Foxxy'."

"Alright, sounds cool!" Mike beamed. "So, Mama Foxxy... I'm not gender confused, I'm a girl, I just hate my name..."

"We'll see about that, now we better get going to both our new home," Foxxy said, handing the form to the man to stamp it and make them an official family.

"Both our new home?" Mike repeated. "Whatcha talkin' 'bout, Mama Foxxy?"

"Mama Foxxy is going to live in a new house with new people for a reality show challenge," Foxxy explained with a smile after she got the adoption papers back. "You, me, and new friends! Don't they sound good?"

Mike smiled. "It does sound pretty good... I'll get my things and meet you outside!" she rushed off.

"What a sweet little gender confused child 'o mine..." Foxxy sounded pleased.

"Umm... Ma'am?" the girl from before tried to get her attention. "Are ya sure you don't wanna adopt a little sweetie who likes to sew all the time?"

"Or a boy who would take care of you whenever you'd get sick?" the boy added.

"BEAT IT, URCHINS!" Foxxy yelled and sprayed them to make them go back to wherever they came from. "Little suck-up, parent-less, bastards..." she mumbled under her breath.

"Okay, I'm ready!" Mike called back as she had her backpack and a few bags.

"Good, come on, Mike, we're going home." Foxxy smiled, helping her with her things and going with her to get out of Foster Care and to the new house.


	2. Hot Tub

It was Day One for going to live in the house with seven other people, making Foxxy and Mike numbers eight and nine. Hopefully this would work out. They were running late due to Foxxy's unscheduled stop at Foster Care and adopting her new daughter.

"I hope we ain't too late..." Foxxy murmured.

"Do you know who else is gonna be living here?" Mike asked her new mother.

"According to what I heard, some guy being a superhero, a video game guy, a princess, a watchamacallit, an internet meme, a battle monster, and a sex symbol." Foxxy answered the best she could.

"I hope the hero's Action Guy," Mike hugged herself, smiling. "He's been my idol since third grade when my old foster mom let me watch violent cartoons!"

"Old foster mom?"

"Yeah, I've been in an old foster family after my real parents died when I was four," Mike sighed a little. "I lived with them in New York, and then we moved to this place called Peach Creek, and somehow I got here..."

"Well you have no worries, Foxxy Mama's gonna look after ya a lot better than Foxxy's own mama!" Foxxy assured her new daughter.

"I hope so, I don't remember my real parents, but I really miss them..." Mike smiled sadly.

"It'll be okay." Foxxy smiled back, then rang the doorbell on their new house.

"This looks pretty cool," Mike looked around. "Look, there's even a pool and hot tub!"

Mike and Foxxy went inside. Foxxy shook hands with the video game character as the hero zipped in and a couple of the other woman came to meet them. Mike was a little disappointed the hero wasn't Action Guy, but this one would have to do for now, she guessed.

"Oh, I'm glad you're finally here," the princess in a purple gown came to meet Mike and Foxxy. "And this girl must be from the mansion you formerlly worked at, she dresses a little trashy. But anyway, would you be a dear and fetch my bags, servant girl?"

Mike and the others gasped instantly as the princess just said that. Why would she call Foxxy such a thing?

"I didn't know you were a maid, Mama Foxxy." Mike blinked. She clearly wasn't as narrow-minded as the brunette princess.

Foxxy was too shocked to even speak after that. "Excuse me?" she finally decided to speak up and looked a bit cross with what she was asked to do. "What did you just call me? Servant Girl!?"

"Oh, many pardons, or 'my bad'," the princess was trying to be friendly, but was clearly being racist towards the African-American joining to live in the house, then looked down to Mike. "What do those people call themselves these days? 'Mammy'? 'Moody'? 'Topsy'? 'Shugie'?"

"I think you better stop talking..." Mike glanced at her. Not even Lu was this rude to her and was claiming to be a princess.

The pig broke the awkward silence and started laughing out loud. "Oh, my God!"

"What's so funny?" Mike looked to him.

"Isn't it obvious?" the pig asked her, still laughing. "Clara thinks she's our servant, 'cuz she's black!" he kept laughing hysterically. "Oh, man, this is the best day of my miserable life!"

"This is probably gonna get ugly," Mike stepped back and looked down to see the battle monster. "Ohmigosh, the Ling-Ling battle monster! Next to Action Guy, you're my favorite cartoon ever!"

Ling-Ling spoke in gibberish to her.

"Yeah, it's really nice to meet you, you gave my annoying cousins a seizure once on Thanksgiving when we watched you since Mom wouldn't let me watch football in the kid's room." Mike beamed while Clara and Foxxy started fighting and Captain Hero tried to separate them.

Ling-Ling blinked and spoke again, smiling. "You have exerrent taste."

"Thanks, I even got my trading card collection," Mike took out a pack of cards with various other battle monsters. "You're the only card I won't trade, you're small but full of spunk and rage! I might not watch you much, but you're my favorite battle monster!"

Ling-Ling bowed to her, feeling praised and accepted, then jumped up in her arms, hugging her face, not tearing her apart or trying to rip out her guts like his enemies. "What you same your name was?"

"I'm Mike, Foxxy's my new mother, she adopted me." Mike explained in the hug.

"Foxxy scaly when angly." Ling-Ling pointed as Foxxy was nearly beating Clara with her tambarouine.

"Remind me to never rebel against her when it's my 13th birthday..." Mike said, her voice wavering.

The pig known as Spanky Ham kept laughing.

"What's so funny, pig?" Mike glared at him.

Spanky laughed, then looked to her with a smile. "I love racism! Excuse me a moment," he went as Foxxy and Clara were fighting aggressively after Captain Hero was forced to stay out of it, Spanky dropped his pants. "I got dibs on the cat fight!"

"You're cracked..." Mike rolled her eyes, walking away from him, then saw the black and white girl. "Hey! Are you Toot Braunstein?"

"Oh, you know who I am?" the girl smiled at her.

"Yeah, my granny used to watch you a lot when she was younger." Mike answered, smiling.

Flashback

We see a black and white image like a 1950's cigarette commercial with a girl with long hair tied in a big hair bow and ponytail with a short-sleeved shirt, a long skirt, knee socks and black dress shoes. There is an image of a younger Toot on screen and even doing a pole dance.

"Hot ziggity!" the young future old lady praised.

End of Flashback

 

"Well, it's nice to be appreciated and loved by someone," Toot smiled, then glared at the video game character Xandir and made her voice high and loud to get his attention. "DIDJA HEAR THAT, DUNGEONS AND DOUCHE BAG!?"

"Huh?" Xandir turned his head as he was about to go on the telephone again.

Foxxy came to Mike, rearranging her breasts into her tight fitting top. "Don't worry about Mama Foxxy, Mike, that bitch ain't gonna hurt us no more."

"I'm sorry Princess Clara was mean to you, but who needs her, huh?" Mike asked as she kept Ling-Ling in her arms like he was a pet to her now.

"You and me are gonna get along just fine." Foxxy gently ruffled up her hair, smiling and proud to be the girl's new mother.

Mike let Ling-Ling back on the floor and went with Foxxy to get settled in the room they would sleep in. It was now silent though after the fight. After the fight, in Xandir's words, things got super uncomfortable. It seemed to be lonely and depressing even though there were nine people in the house now. Toot was drearily cutting herself, even that seemed to be boring to her.

"If I stayed in the orphanage, I'd probably be eating cold gruel right now sitting behind a dumpster..." Mike sighed as she sat away from Foxxy and was in the confession room.

Mike Mavinsky-Love, 12, Orphan Adopted By Mystery Solving Musician

"No one wanted to be my friend in the orphanage," Mike's eyes only met the floor and not the main camera. "I had friends in New York, but they left me in a postcard they sent to me... Max and Melissa... Then I joined an exchange student program and met these kids, Lu and Og. After that adventure, we mvoed to a cul-de-sac and I met Ed, Edd, and Eddy... After I found out I was adopted, my foster parents just left me and I wound up here and adopted by someone like Foxxy Love... I can't go on anymore..." Mike sounded severely depressed right now and sounded like she was on the verge of suicide. "Cut the camera, please..."

Mike came out of the room and looked up to see Captain Hero, Xandir, and Wooldoor with boxes filled with alcoholic beverages.

"Hey, Michelle, Foxxy just bought us booze!" Wooldoor called.

"My name is Mike..." the tomboy with pigtails glanced at him.

"Whatever, have some!" Wooldoor handed her a bottle.

Mike took it, blinked, and looked back. "But I'm only twelve!"

"Hey, kid, what have ya got to loose?" Toot came over. "You know how I looked so thin back in my glory days?"

"Yeah?" Mike asked as she pinched her nose about how horrible the liquor smelled.

"Booze helped!" Toot chirped. "I drank so much of it that I threw up almost everyday and I was the beautiful woman that everyone remembered me as!"

"Yikes..." Mike blinked.

"Come on, Michelle, drink!" Wooldoor cheered.

"My name is Mike!" the girl growled, then she shrugged and took a drink. To her surprise, despite being under-aged, she was able to drink it without any problems. Why did her parents and teachers always tell her not to do this stuff?

Everyone else except for Princess Clara then started to drink. Foxxy even made it okay for Mike to join them since she was considered Mike's mother now. This had to be the most fun she ever had in her life. Toot even took 'balloon shots' which were blown up balloons filled with rum in them and drank it. She then giggled and fell, hit the table and started to bleed, which made everyone only laugh and jeer about it.

The gang got their money together as they had a little net match between a couple of purple smurfs who were trying to kill each other. The group were getting their swimsuits on. Mike wore a smaller leopard skin bikini that Foxxy let her borrow and they went to the house's hot tub, still drinking like there was no tomorrow.

"This is the life..." Spanky leaned back in content.

"This has to be the most fun I've ever had in the history of my existence..." Mike said, then burped a little, and leaned back with a sloppy smile on her face due to heavy drinking.

Wooldoor got trapped inside one of Spanky's bubbles and was starting to float around and drift. Finally, Clara decided to come out, she had her swimsuit on, but still had her tiara on and had a towel in her arms as Mike and the others were hitting each other with pool noodles.

"What do you want?" Mike leaned over the edge of the tub, looking up to Clara, still looking a little dazed.

"What is it, baby?" Foxxy asked as she took a break with hitting.

"Look what the slut kitten dragged in." Mike pointed.

Foxxy looked over her shoulder, then gave Clara her middle finger, looking very angered still. Clara saw that and started to walk away in a bit of sadness.

"Oh, Xandir!" Toot came over to the video game hero. "I hope you don't push me in, cuz I'm REALLY, really close to the edge!" she said, then purposely dropped herself into the water and trying to get his attention.

"Boy, she needs help..." Mike rested her head against her folded arms as she still rested along the edge and let out another burp. "Why do I taste defecated cantaloupe?"

"HA!" Spanky was heard.

Mike went over to Toot. "Hey, listen, I know this sounds crazy, but I kinda know how to get a guy to like you?"

"Really, how?" Toot followed her inside the house to talk a minute.

Mike slid her feet into her shoes and sat with Toot at the table. "Okay, in my New York foster family that took my biological family's name, but mispronounced it as 'Mazinsky', I had this older cousin Rita who was like a big sister to me, foster or not."

"Get to the point!" Toot grabbed her top, looking a little angered. "How do I win a guy like him!?"

"Okay, okay, stop," Mike got Toot to let her go. "She always said; 'If you like a guy, ignore him, but if you want him to stop liking you, give him your undivided attention'."

"What!?" Toot cried out. "I can't not pay attention to him! How will he know I like him?"

"I know it sounds crazy, but it works!" Mike defended. "I mean, my friend Eddy had this big crush on me, but I never even noticed until my foster mom and our friends told me! I even kissed him after our Christmas special."

"I see..." Toot nodded.

"What's this guy's deal, anyway?" Mike asked. "Is he gay? Some guy shoot his dog?"

Toot sniffled. "He says he's on some never-ending quest to rescue his girlfriend!"

"Oh, uhh... Toot, you might wanna leave him alone then... She might get jealous...Wherever she is..."

"I just say let the bitch fry!" Toot slouched back, folding her arms.

Mike sighed, shaking her head. "I'm sorry, Toot, I know you wanna be happy, but that's just life. Here, you look hungry..." she handed a plate of small cheeses like at a party.

"Thanks, Mike, you're a true friend!" Toot beamed, she took the whole plate instead of the one cheese offering and ate the whole thing, and plucked the cheese out of Mike's fingers and ate that too.

The phone then rang.

"I'll get it!" Mike stepped aside from Toot wolfing down all the food aggressively. "Hello? Who is this?"

"This is Xandir's girlfriend." the other voice on the line said.

"Oh, hey." Mike greeted with a deadpan look on her face due to the girl coming between Mike's new friend's happiness.

"Is Xandir there?"

Mike was about to answer honestly and she didn't want to hurt Xandir this way, but she knew how upset Toot was because she really wanted Xandir. "Actually, he's busy with his new girlfriend right now."

"WHAT!?"

"Yeah," Mike smirked a little evilly. The alcohol must have been getting to her. "He's never talked about YOU before!"

"Excuse me? He's on a never-ending quest to save me!"

"Sorry, toots, ya just got out loved!" Mike grinned darkly.

"Well, we'll see about that!" The next sound was a dial tone.

Mike hung up the phone and walked back outside to join everyone. Clara was heard crying and Spanky went to cheer her up, at least that's what Mike thought he was doing. Mike then got back into the water next to Foxxy.

"Hey, babe, you okay?" Foxxy asked as she was relaxing with a wine glass in her hand.

"Being on this show makes me feel queasy." Mike murmured.

"Ah, you'll get over it, come sit with Mama..." Foxxy moved her glass and put her arm around Mike.

Mike smiled and nuzzled against Foxxy, feeling a very warm and comforting feeling when she would be around the woman. Mike woke up when Foxxy greeted the princess of the house.

Clara joined them. "I want to apologize." she said, sliding inside the tub with Foxxy, Mike, and Xandir and Ling-Ling was knocked out.

"Aww, you can apologize..." Foxxy said to her, then got sassy again. "By shuttin' the fuck up."

"I don't blame you for being mad, Foxxy," Clara looked down shyly. "After all, your people DO have terrible tempers. It must be so frustrating that you're not as boyant as regular people. Heck, two separate water fountains just mean shorter lines for everybody, and Father always made us cut off those plastic six pack holders so they wouldn't get lodged in your people's blowholes. Father is so wise..."

Foxxy grew animated back then and set Mike on a side so she wouldn't fall through the water after going towards the princess. "Girl, Foxxy Love's gonna teach you how to open up your mind. And your mouth..." she then looked back to her adoptive daughter. "Mike, let Mama Foxxy also show you how you can have the best of both worlds and not give a damn what anyone else thinks."

Mike slowly nodded, her eyes then widened as Foxxy turned back to Clara and started to violently make out with Clara. Everyone was shocked, but Mike looked interested. She had been holding back, she never told the other housemates this, but she had a little lesbian urge as well.

During her stay in the cul-de-sac, she found out about Marie Kanker's true feelings about boys and that she had opened up to Mike. This moment made her think of her first kiss from a girl, it may have been a surprise that came from nowhere, but it was actually the best kiss she had ever had in her life. Clara tried to fight Foxxy's French kiss, but she soon gave up and was enjoying the kiss.

Mike noticed and remembered how she liked Marie Kanker's kiss better than Eddy Sampson's. She had to wondered what that meant. She and Eddy dated for a year into junior high school during her time. Was she a lesbian by that assumption? She wasn't sure. Spanky video taped it, Captain Hero seemed aroused, and Xandir was looking at the back of a Cosmopolitan magazine like this was totally boring and unnecessary.

The next morning, everyone was totally miserable. Mike was dressed in her normal clothes and started throwing up violently into the toilet.

"Oh, man, never again..." Mike mumbled, then continued to puke up. "Ugh, my stomach feels like it's being burned alive."

"Hey, Mike," Toot walked by. "Let me know when you're done."

"Fine... Could you hold my pigtails back before I go again?" Mike asked, her mouth covered in her own vomit.

Toot came right over and held the girl's pigtails back, allowing her to throw up a bit more. "You think this is bad, you should see what happens when you're 21!"

"I don't think I wanna live that long..." Mike muttered, then threw up a bit more. She didn't for more seconds and decided she was done. "Okay... I think I'm done..." she flushed the toilet, then decided to wash her face and brush her teeth.

"You know, Mike, you look better without pigtails." Toot complimented.

Mike brushed her teeth and looked to see Toot still held back her double ponytails. Her hair was short now and looked more like a boy. "Hey, you're right! Ya know, since I got a new home, maybe I need a new look." she took her pigtails back and spit in the sink and wiped her mouth with a towel.

Mike and Toot walked outside, Toot had a bag of potato chips as Xandir was stretching outside. They had the usual introduction which annoyed Toot to a full degree. Toot ignored him, trying to do what Mike taught her to do and just kept walking.

"Hey, Xandir," Mike greeted with her double ponytails now tied into a single one and down. "Your girlfriend called last night."

"SHE DID!?" Xandir gasped. "Oh, my God! Wait! Okay, what did she say?"

"Yeah, it was uhh... The exact location of where you could go to save her..."

"W-Why didn't you get me!?"

"You were so busy," Mike smirked. "I didn't wanna bother you... Now, why don't you go talk with Toot to probably cheer up?"

Xandir was having a big spasm and couldn't believe this. He acted as though it was the worst day of his life. Mike thought Wendell and Double D were the ones to over react, this was just ridiculous.

"Ugh, Toot owes me big time for this." Mike muttered under her breath.

Later that day, Foxxy was doing Mike's hair.

"Mama Foxxy, how was Princess Clara's kiss?" Mike asked, holding her knees as Foxxy was kneeling over her to do her hair. "I mean, you kissed her... Is that why you adopted me?" Mike was basically asking the mystery solving musician if she were a lesbian.

"Huh? Oh, no, Mike that's not why Mama Foxxy adopted y'all," Foxxy said as she was brushing against the girl's red hair that nearly matched her clothing. "Mama Foxxy adopted ya 'cuz she felt lonely lately... And white girl don't kiss too bad, I guess."

"So, is it okay to be a lesbian?"

"I'm not lesbian."

Mike looked up to her. "But you kissed Clara!"

"I know, but I am a bisexual," Foxxy explained to her.

"What?"

"Oh, you're twelve, you probably don't know what that means," Foxxy took out a band to tie up Mike's hair. "Bisexual means, I like BOTH girls and boys... You don't have to like just one. You're young, you'll know and understand when you're older."

"Oh, I see..." Mike blinked, not admitting anything to Foxxy yet since they had only known each other a day and being in the house for a couple of days.

"I'm gonna talk to Clara after this, why don't you stay in here and finish your homework?" Foxxy tied Mike's hair into a better ponytail than the one she made herself and went for the door.

"I'm not even in school!" Mike called in defense.

"Do your homework, young lady!" Foxxy yelled back, then slammed the door.

Mike winced, then sighed, shaking her head. She then grabbed Foxxy's mirror and looked at herself. She smiled and felt proud of herself and her new look and wondered what futures await her in this house of the place called Drawn Together.


	3. Clara's Dirty Little Secret

One normal evening in the Drawn Togther house, Mike was with Ling-Ling looking for snacks together. Mike kept her hair in the ponytail like she said she was going to do from now on. 

"Ugh, why dirty dishes always in sink?" Ling-Ling growled at the display in the kitchen.

"Man, these are really gross!" Mike cringed. "Ling-Ling and I aren't your maids, people!" she decided to do up the dishes, then looked over her shoulder to see all the attention in the living room was on Princess Clara tonight for some reason. Mike then went over and saw Toot was mad that the boys were drooling over the princess. "What's going on?"

Toot scoffed with her arms folded. "Clara's talkin' 'bout gettin' Foxxy's tongue in the hot tub."

"Again?" Mike glared at Spanky and Captain Hero while Xandir braided the princess's hair.

"When suddenly, she grabbed me, and forced my soaking wet body up against hers..." Clara narrated with a dreamy look in her eye. "I shudder with desire as my eager young body melted into hers..."

"We're outta here." Mike went off with Toot to the girl's bedroom.

Toot slammed the door shut after Mike went ahead of her. "Dammit, Clara's pissing me off more than sour cream!"

"Mama Foxxy..." Mike tried to get her adoptive mother's attention as the woman had headphones on. "Mama Foxxy!"

"I mean, Clara won't shut up about that stupid kiss!" Toot continued to rant. "I mean, who cares, right?"

Foxxy still didn't answer and was in the flow of the music she was listening to.

"Hey, stop listening to that crappy hip hop music, I'm talkin' to you!" Toot snatched the headphones off.

"Music?" Foxxy scoffed, then took out a CD cover. "Girl, that's a book on tape... 'Clara's Story: How I Kissed a Black Girl, as read by Droopy Dog'."

Toot blinked, then took a listen.

"Mike, have you decided if you're a lesbian yet?" Foxxy asked her daughter.

"I don't know..." Mike sighed. "I never really kissed any girl besides Marie Kanker back in Peach Creek. Does a kiss really make it official?"

"It usually does, hon," Foxxy ruffled up her hair. "You usually feel something with a good kiss, it's usually a tingly feeling that could either mean you really love the person back... Either that or you got a pain in the butt yeast infection."

"I'm gonna have to talk to Clara about this," Toot growled, removing her headphones, then stormed off. "I'll downsize her and then everyone in this house will love me!" she slammed the door again.

"Period?" Mike looked over to her adoptive mother.

Foxxy shrugged. "Anyway, you'll know when the feeling comes... If you wanna be a lesbian, I'll be happy either way, Foxxy don't judge, especially family... Your granddaddy will be here any minute to come meet ya..."

"Didn't he 'go out for a pack of cigarettes'?" Mike used airquotes.

"Uh-huh, but give him time, he'll be here." Foxxy smiled reassuringly.

Mike sighed, feeling that Foxxy's father was never coming back, but she couldn't tell her new mother that. It might crush her. "Mama Foxxy, I'm not sure..."

"You can always experiment, dear, when we get you to college, there'll be plenty of time for that." Foxxy smiled fondly, being a good mother and kissed her daughter's forehead. "It's late, why don't you get some sleep? I'll brush your hair."

"Thanks, Mama Foxxy."

The next morning, Mike was watching television, but could only find the rerun for the pilot episode on nearly every channel. She then was wondering if she was gay or not, but wasn't really sure what to do or what to think about herself. 

"Mike, turn off the TV, I have to have a talk with you and the other housemates." Foxxy walked into the room, turning off the television before Mike could do anything.

"What did I do?" Mike sounded worried.

"It's nothing you did, honey child, Clara thinks she was pregnant with my baby because we kissed, now Mama Foxxy has to set this straight," Foxxy gathered the others into the living room. "How old are you now?"

"Twelve." 

"Right, so you haven't had the talk yet."

"Actually, I have--"

"Great, now quiet so I can talk to everyone."

Mike sighed, she loved Foxxy, but sometimes the woman needed to learn to listen to other things said. After everyone was together, Foxxy allowed Mike to sit on her lap as Toot sat on the arm of the couch and the others sat on the floor. 

"Class is in session," Foxxy told everyone. "And if you ain't careful, you must just learn somethin'. Now, mens and womens is very different... You see, men are born with a special pee-pee..."

Mike blinked, trying to listen to everything her adoptive mother was saying. Xandir looked excited to hear about the men parts for some reason. 

"And women are born with a vagina," Foxxy then got to the female part. "I like to call it a gift. Piggy rhyme with puppet... But not very well..."

Wooldoor shook his head in agreement.

"What?" Mike glanced at her in confusion.

"Now, when the man and woman love each other very much, they do a special hug which can feel REAAAL nice... Sometimes feels with a man's hands wrapped around your neck..." Foxxy told them which made everyone nod passionately. "During this special hug, the man places his pee-pee inside the woman's gift... And that's how two people who love each other very, very much make, well, a friendship..." 

Mike looked over to see there were two naked adults who were separating and had showed the housemates a living example of a sexual education class. "This was the most disturbing moment of my life."

"So, you see, Clara, you can't make a baby from a kiss." Foxxy said to the princess.

"But, but, but..." Clara sounded disappointed and ran off in tears out of the doorway.

That night, Mike looked at herself in the mirror. She even tried to imagine herself without a ponytail. She wondered if she should also keep her hair short. She really seemed to be growing fond of the female sex instead of the opposite like a 'normal' person. Foxxy said she wouldn't judge her, but she was still scared inside. There was screaming heard upstairs suddenly.

"Toot?" Mike called.

"Mike!?" Toot called back.

The two girls came to each other. "What's that screaming about?" they asked each other, then saw that neither of them knew.

"Oh," Mike then said. "I guess we better check it out."

"Maybe Clara's finally killing Foxxy!" Toot sprouted.

Mike and Toot went upstairs to check out the noise, then they screamed themselves. There was a green tentacle monster that seemed to have been coming from under Clara's dress skirt. 

"Stop screaming, you're scaring it!" Clara tried to warn them. She then soothed the tentacles as they had destroyed the make-up, shelves, and the toilet.

"I'm not the only one seeing this, right...?" Mike looked nervously as the monster settled down.

The monster was calmed down now and went back up Clara's dress.

"You're probably wondering about my 'octopussior'," Clara saw the alarmed looks on their faces. "It's French..."

"What is it?" Mike asked.

"I never shared this story with anyone before," Clara sighed. "The only way I can get it out is through interpretive dance." She then stepped back a little and did a little dance to explain the story of her 'monster inside between her legs'.

"Really," Foxxy somehow got it together. "When you was but a child, your evil step-father put a curse on your vagina?"

"What?" Clara sounded offended. "Weren't you paying attention? My evil step-mother, mother placed a curse on me."

"Duh!" Toot scoffed to Foxxy.

"I never liked step-parents..." Mike folded her arms and shook her head.

"I never understood why she did it..." Clara grew sad now. "No man will ever wanna enjoy this special hug with me. She did it so I'd never find my true love!" she started to cry and buried her face into her hands. "Please, please don't tell anybody. I must ask you guys to keep this secret with a pinky promise."

"How old are you?" Mike looked at her oddly.

"20, now please, for me?" Clara looked desperate.

Mike shrugged, then did her promise.

"I pinky swear." Foxxy gave in as well.

Toot looked annoyed. "Fine, I pinky swear..."

The monster let out a tentacle to promise with them. There was then a knock at the door.

"Hey, Clara?" It was Captain Hero's voice. "Toot told me you have a monster vagina and we wanna have a house meeting about it."

The others looked to the black and white girl. How was that even possible? 

"Oopsy doopsie, I couldn't help myself!" Toot put her hands to her face.

Clara had shown the guys what it looked like down there and to her surprise, everyone was actually pretty accepting of it. Mike wasn't sure what to make of it though. Toot was still angry though of all of Clara's attention and wanted them to be disgusted of her secret, they were always of her, why not that? Toot then purposely scared the vagina monster to try to scare the housemates, which worked just as Mike came downstairs.

"Mike, we gotta run!" Spanky told the girl.

The vagina monster had eaten Wooldoor and a cameraman. Mike was now scared and ran off with Xandir, Captain Hero, and Spanky. Everything hd changed now since everyone realized they were living with a monster. There were light traps, barbed wire around the yard, and bars all over the windows. There were even sharks in the pool now. The others were now in a closed door together as Ling-Ling was aggressively doing the dishes.

"Hey, Mike, check it out." Spanky whispered to the girl, then lifted his leg and he chuckled.

"What? What's so--" Mike asked, then instantly plugged her nose. "Aw, crap, Spanky!" 

Captain Hero shushed them. "Toot's talking."

"And that's the story of the beast that lived between Clara's legs." Toot finished a story to tell the others while they were locked up.

After that story, Captain Hero started to write in his diary. 

"Dude, what're you doing?" Mike looked over, her nose still pinched.

"These are my dreams!" Captain Hero slammed his book shut, glaring at her. "MINE!"

Xandir shushed them harshly as a shadow came up to the door. A tentacle came through the crack of the door and was reaching for the video game character. It hissed at him a few times and slipped back under the door and Xandir broke down crying. 

"Alright, I've had enough." Mike spoke up.

"Mike's right, ya know, this, this is no way to live," Spanky agreed. "I refuse to just sit around waiting to be swallowed whole by a giant vagina!..." he then paused a bit with a pleasant look on his face, then shrugged it off.

"Eh, the pig and transsexual boy are right," Captain Hero said as he had an arm around Xandir. "But, what can we do?"

"Did he just call me a transsexual boy?" Mike sounded defensive now.

"Know what you can do?" Ling-Ling spoke up. "Do your own dishes, asshole!"

"Ling-Ling's right, dammit!" Toot stood up from her stool. "We must kill the beast!"

"It's okay, I understood you." Mike said to Ling-Ling, giving him a hand.

"Kill the beast!" Captain Hero proclaimed.

"Kill the beast!" Xandir echoed.

"Misinterpret Ling-Ling!" Spanky shouted.

"Oh, boy..." Mike muttered.

The girl was dragged into this mess as the others were gathering weapons to take care of Clara while Foxxy was nowhere to be seen. They gathered outside the girl's room of the house. Toot had an old-fashioned gun like in hunting movies, Spanky had a torch, Xandir and Captain Hero both had pitchforks, and Mike was forced to hold a noose. 

"This is always hard to say, especially to your friend, but we're here to kill your vagina." Spanky declared calmly.

"Don't you guys dare!" Foxxy stood up.

"Well, she's my mother now, I have to respect her wishes." Mike dropped the noose and went to Clara and Foxxy's sides.

"I understand Mike has to do what you think is right, but that monster is dead meat!" Captain Hero sneered.

"How're you gonna get us out of this one, Foxxy Mama?" Mike asked her adoptive mother.

"Don't you worry, child, Foxxy was a mystery solving musician in her day and she knows a clever way out of this, do Foxxy a favor and get a pie, a neck-brace, and a flashlight." the woman told her.

Mike questioned why, but did as told and came back with them. Foxxy put on the neck-brace, held out the slice of pie in one hand and held a flashlight over it, which got everyone's attention. The others now wondered where Clara had went and even Toot admitted she was confused now. They all then left Foxxy and Mike alone to track down Clara.

"What was that all about?" Mike looked up to her adoptive mother, very confused.

"All apart of the plan, shugah." Foxxy smirked, having outwitted her housemates like the animal she was a hybrid of.

"Now what do we do?"

"Well, while Clara's being chased by the mob, it's my responsibility as a mystery solving musician to play the song number."

"You mean like in Scooby--"

Foxxy covered her mouth, but nodded. A song came on like in 1960's cartoons with the mystery solving gang and an animal that usually ripped-off Scooby Doo. Foxxy and Mike had tambourines, Clara shook maracas while her tentacles played the keyboard, Toot played guitar, Ling-Ling played the drums, while Captain Hero and Spanky were by the microphones. Foxxy and Mike then tracked Clara down to get her away from the chase and went into the bathroom of the house, leaning against the door.

"I didn't understand that song, but it was bad," Mike smiled, meaning that in a good way. "Don't worry, Clara, you'll be safe in here."

There was now pounding on the door from the other side however. This didn't look good. Foxxy then had an idea and put a Do Not Disturb sign over the doorknob to get everyone away, at least for a little while. 

"There's gotta be a way to break this curse," Mike said to the princess in distress. "Clara, don't you have to kiss your one true love at sunset or something?"

"I'm sorry, but the only person who knows how to break the curse is my evil step-mother, and I can't ask her," Clara replied. "We're in a fight."

Suddenly an axe came from behind the door, but didn't hit any of the girls inside the room.

"Well make up already!" Mike yelped.

Clara was hesitant, but she went to do just that. She put in earbuds connected to a mirror, most likely a magic one due to Clara's heritage as a fairy tale princess. Foxxy and Mike watched as Clara was getting into a fight with her step-mother, not seeming to make the situation any better. They were running out of time. 

Though now, Clara was in sudden sadness. Mike was right based on what she knew about fairy tales growing up, Clara had to undo the curse with her one true love and the kiss would make it go away forever. 

"That's it!" Mike and Foxxy chirped.

"Come on, girl, let's break that curse and find your Prince Charming." Foxxy smirked.

"But, how?" Clara asked.

Foxxy set up a bunch of single men in a style of the popular reality program called The Bachelor, but Clara was going to be a bachelorette. Clara had on a glossy pink gown with a magenta gem necklace as she was going to find her true love to break her dreaded vaginal curse. 

"Gentlemen, welcome to tonight's elimination ceremony," Spanky told the men as he wore a tux and stood next to Mike in a red gown with white opera gloves and black flats. "If you receive a rose, step forward, and kiss Princess Clara."

"On her octopus..." Mike cringed slightly. "If your kiss indeed breaks the curse, then you are Clara's prince charming."

"Now, I choose," Clara smiled as she looked to the eight remaining men. "Bob... Please step forward."

The man with a pointed nose with curly light brown hair and a green bow tie came over, feeling excited. He had a bounce in his steps which made everyone laugh. He took the rose and kissed one of Clara's tentecles, but it made him throw up instantly. 

The next man, with short blonde hair did the same, but his results were the same. The frisky brown-haired man with a beard threw up in his hands instantly. Captain Hero even tried, but threw up into the pool. One of the men made out with Toot and threw up over her shoulder, Toot looked as though she expected that type of reaction. 

"Clara, gentlemen, there's only one rose left from our gender confused foster child." Spanky informed as he stood next to Mike again. 

Mike rolled her eyes at him.

"You, sir," Clara looked to the dashing looking man in the room who came with his own cape and looked very royal. "What is your name?"

"I am a Prince Charming and I am here to find my Princess..." the man bowed, speaking with an exotic French accent.

"Am I the only one who thinks this guy looks like the prince from that mermaid movie?" Mike looked into the camera after catching a glimpse of the prince.

Clara only sighed dreamily. "I think he's perfect..."

"Of course you would." Mike rolled her eyes.

Clara smiled and took the rose, speaking to the prince. "Would you accept this rose?"

"No, I shall not," the prince declined, much to everyone's shock, but then he got down on one knee and smiled charmingly again. "Because this rose is for you..." 

Clara sighed again and everyone awed. Prince Charming kissed Clara's tentacle and everyone watched as he and Clara were flying in the air now.

"Gotta love fireworks." Mike commented.

"You don't care, do you?" Spanky asked her.

"Nah, this romance mush isn't for me, I never really had a crush on a boy, sure, lots of guys liked me, but I never had a crush on any back," Mike shrugged. "The last time my boyfriend back in the cul-de-sac kissed me, I didn't feel anything... He was gone for a while because he was visiting relatives..."

"You are one messed up kid, Michelene." Spanky laughed out loud.

"Call me that again and we're having bacon for breakfast and a knuckle sandwich for you, Porky wannabe." Mike grabbed his collar, raising an iron fist in her other hand.

Spanky still laughed. "Anger's a good look for ya."

Clara and Prince Charming came down after a magical blast and they looked into each other's eyes. Clara felt like she finally met her true love, but she lifted her dress and saw she still had a monster in her vagina. However, now Prince Charming had a curse, he had tentacles sprouting out from his pants. 

"And that, Mike is why you aren't allowed to kiss your true love without MY approval." Foxxy told her foster daughter.

"I'll get cursed?" Mike asked.

"No, you'll get an STD." Foxxy lectured, even if that was a completely wrong moral.

"Uh, okay..." Mike tilted her head. "Clara, we're really sorry..."

"It's okay, really," Clara smiled. "Don't you all see? This is true love's form," she came to her prince. "We're meant for each other and only each other. Look, our genitalia are totally hitting it off!"

"I don't know whether to be disgusted or accepting..." Mike commented.

Clara smiled, about to kiss her prince, but he stormed off.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, this was not part of the deal!" 

"Hey, buddy, you wanted Clara, you got her!" Mike huffed.

"Are you kidding, child? Look at my penis!" Prince Charming growled.

"I'm pretty sure asking a minor to look at your privates is illegal." Mike deadpanned to him then.

"I cannot go on like this, this is not charming!" the prince walked off with a shotgun.

"What do you mean!?" Foxxy blurted out.

"Not on the new rug!" Spanky cried.

Everyone grunted and looked away as the trigger was pulled and blasted instantly. The prince came back though to make sure the gun worked before he would blow his 'charming' brains out. The prince pulled the trigger again, but it went off more like a cartoon and there was no blood and gore and the prince fell into the pool.

However, the pool caught into instant fire and Clara's vagina was angry now. Toot and the others wanted to kill Clara again, but they all actually decided to sit down and talk. The monster actually seemed to be helpful and much to Ling-Ling's enjoyment, it could do the dishes. 

"You know it's like my grandfather used to say," Spanky smiled as they all sat down like a family. "It's not what's on the outside of a monster vagina, but on the inside that counts."

Everyone shared a laugh together, then Wooldoor spewed himself out from inside Clara's vagina, covered in white, slimy stuff.


	4. Gay Bash

Mike was with Xandir and Ling-Ling in the kitchen nook. It would have been normal if it wasn't for Captain Hero clipping his toenails which were bouncing all around and cracking cups just as good as any old bullets. It even broke the ceiling to the upstairs bathroom. 

"You'll shoot someone's eye out!" Mike yelled to the superhero, more annoyed with him than liking him now to his living habits.

"Hey, who left their Golden Ring of Kuldar in the f***ing crapper?" Toot barged in, angrily. 

"Guilty!" Xandir called out, chuckling. "Sorry..."

"Oh, is this yours...?" Toot asked, rather sweetly, though seductively.

"Obviously." Mike declared.

"Stuff it, Mike!" Toot snapped at her, but looked sultry to Xandir and put the ring in between her breasts. "Come and get it, big boy~"

Xandir looked extremely hesitant, even more than any other man would in that position, but came up to Toot anyway. 

"Here, I'll get it," Mike butted in, much to Toot's annoyance, seeing how Xandir really didn't want to. For some odd reason, she seemed to not mind Toot's breasts, but tried to find the gold ring without looking and only used her fingers to use her sense of touch to get the ring for the video game hero. "Found it!" She handed the ring back to Xandir.

Xandir smiled, happily taking it as he 'powered up'. "That makes 100! Now I can jump with a spin!" He did just as he said what he could do with the ring. 

Toot, Mike, and Captain Hero exchanged awkward glances. This made them all laugh. It was kind of a lame power-up. Even Ling-Ling was laughing. 

'House guests, please report to the living room.' the producers on the intercom commanded like a principal in a public school.

Mike walked, wondering what was happening. "What's this about?"

"Since we've gone five days without a hate crime, we're rewarded with a new house item!" Wooldoor told her, beaming brightly. "I sure hope it's a new stereo."

"Yeah, I think ours has been handed down from the Flinstones." Mike gestured to the primitive record player with a pterodactyl to power it like in the ancient cartoon of Hanna-Barbera.

"Raw!" the flying dinosaur called before spinning the record. "It's a living..."

'Roomates,' the producers spoke after everyone was seated in the living room. 'We would like to reward you with... A brand new, 33 inch plasma...'

Everyone got excited, thinking it was a brand new TV. However, the curtains were raised to reveal something completely different.

'Sewing machine!'

"Booyah..." Captain Hero dully proclaimed.

"Cheer up, Mr. Hero," Wooldoor smiled regardless. "We could always sew a new television."

"That has to be the dumbest thing I heard since I taught those special ed classes," Spanky folded his arms. "Well, I could cheer for this... Kids could try harder..."

Ling-Ling was working at the sewing machine instantly like a professional. He had indeed sewn a television, much to everyone's surprise. There were even buttons for the television settings. Ling-Ling turned one of the knobs and turned it on like a real TV and Spanky was shown on the screen as a live recording of their episode for the week. 

"Damn, that Asian thing sure can sew!" Spanky was impressed and grew Yen signs in his eyes like American cartoons with dollar signs. He even came up to the battle monster with a card. "Allow me to introduce myself... Spanky Ham... And you are?"

"My name Ling-Ling, dammit!" the battle monster screamed in instant anger and threw down the card. "Me live here long time and girl with boy name only understand me!"

"Well, Mr. Asian Gibberish, I got a business proposition with ya..." Spanky walked Ling-Ling out of the room.

"I don't like the sound of this..." Mike muttered. "So... A sewing machine... Neat... If only I had a use for one of these things..."

"One of us will get excited, you know who I'm talkin' about..." Captain Hero whispered to her with a smirk and looked to the video game character in the room. "The queer..."

"What's queer?" Mike asked.

"The male version of gay, you should know, cuz you're a little dyke."

"I'm not a lesbian..." Mike growled. "Besides, Xandir's not the type to be... Well, you know... Queer, whatever you call it..."

"Well, I for one am so glad we got a sewing machine," Xandir beamed. "I've been so looking forward to finishing my tea cozy..." He took out a purple teapot shaped house-like fabric. "Have you ever seen anything so adorable?"

Mike and Captain Hero exchanged glances with each other then.

"Xandir, I know it's none of my business... But... Are you... Gay?" Mike spoke up nervously.

"Captain Hero, stop influencing the youth, those jokes you make can be so hurtful!" Xandir sounded very sensitive about the subject.

"Come on, Xandir, we all know you're gay," Foxxy remarked. "You don't have to keep living a lie. You know, not everyone could tell I was black, I just tell everyone I fell into a vat of chocolate puddin'..." She then looked down to see Wooldoor licking her bare foot.

"Xandir, if you're gay, it's fine, even if some people think I am." Mike told the older boy with a small smile.

"Hellooo~" Xandir still refused to come out. "I'm on a never-ending quest to save my girlfriend! What more proof do you need?"

"How about this!?" Wooldoor spoke up and reached into his bottomless stomach and took out a board game entitled; 'Gay Test'. 

"What's that?" Mike looked at the game in curiosity.

"It's a popular lie detector game where you find out if you're gay or not," Xandir took the game, growing intense. "And I'm gonna do it."

Later, Wooldoor ran the lie detector while Xandir stood over Mike and Foxxy sitting on a bed with the series of questions that came with the game to determine whether the player is gay or not like the game insisted.

"Okay, question number one," Foxxy read as Mike sat with her to help. "You gay?"

Xandir glared at her. "No!"

"Question two," Mike scooted over. "Homo say what?"

"First of all you two, I'm not an idiot," Xandir looked to them, hands on his hips. "I've heard that one like a million times! And secondly....Wait, what?"

Foxxy and Mike looked to each other with smirking giggles and laughed out loud, then settled themselves.

"Now, tell Mama Foxxy the first thing you see." Mike said as she handed the papers to her adoptive mother.

Foxxy took one out, nearly looking like an inkblot of a chicken. 

"Cock." Xandir answered, he wasn't really wrong.

Foxxy took one out of a man.

"Willy."

Foxxy took one out of a Chinese man.

"Wang."

Foxxy took one out of Woody Woodpecker.

"Woody."

Foxxy took out another one.

"Wood."

And again.

"Pecker."

Foxxy took out one that Mike couldn't quite make out.

"Little Maine Custard Chucker."

Foxxy took one out of an old man with a cane.

"One-Eyed Wiggling Welshman."

Foxxy took out one of what looked like a sausage about to shoot a donkey in the butt and Xandir gave a very odd response. Later, everyone gathered for the final results.

"Well, according to this game, you're real gay." Foxxy told him.

"Well of course, Xandir's gay," Toot commented, then looked sultry again. "Why wouldn't he be attracted to all this?"

"Cuz you're fat and nobody likes fat chicks!" Wooldoor chuckled.

"Dude, I like fat chicks..." Captain Hero muttered.

"Ah, it's okay, Toot, I'll still be your friend." Mike smiled.

Toot smiled. "If you weren't so nice to me, I'd deep fry you and smother you in chocolate."

Mike's eyes widened, then felt grateful that she became friends with Toot.

"Let me see that box!" Xandir swiped the game, getting a closer look. "Hey, this says this gay test is for ages six to twelve! It doesn't even apply to me!"

"I have an idea that would help Xandir, it's called the dangerous and deadly wood beast." Clara piped up.

Everyone looked to her.

"Let's do it!" Wooldoor beamed.

"Yeah, settle this mess once and for all." Xandir added.

"Uhh, you guys go ahead, I gotta do something alone first." Mike said softly.

"Alright, let's go." Toot said, leaving with the others.

"I didn't know orphans could masturbate..." Captain Hero remarked, about why Mike wanted to be alone.

Mike sighed, rolling her eyes, then shut the door after they left. She made sure to lock it, then put the box down and tried out the test for herself. Mike looked all around and did the tests, feeling very close. She then shut her eyes as she calculated her results and opened one, looking down. She tested positive...

"I... I am a lesbian..." Mike muttered, her heart sunk in her chest.

The next day, Mike felt like she was having an identity crisis. She thought about her reputation. How would the people who once knew her think of her as being a lesbian now? She walked to talk with her new mother who would accept her no matter what, but saw she was with Clara and Spanky to get Xandir out of his room.

"What happened?" Mike asked.

"The wood beast had determined that Xandir is indeed a homosexual." Clara informed of last night's ceremony the tomboy was excluded from.

"Xandir, come on out," Foxxy spoke up after knocking. "It's cool that you're gay, stop beating yourself up... I told Mike from the day I adopted her if she was, I would love her no matter what... I would just be very proud if she did end up to become a lesbian since I'm a bisexual."

Mike blinked, then smiled.

"Seriously, Xandir, it's not your place to punish yourself, it's God's." Clara added.

Mike and Foxxy glared at the princess then.

"Leave me alone!" Xandir moaned. "I'm taking another gay test!"

"What?" Foxxy's eyes widened, then scoffed. "The only test than man needs is a pregnancy test."

"Oh, great, now I got two problems." Xandir heard that and muttered.

"Man, this is some bulls***, we need to bash some sense into this child." Foxxy pounded her fist into her hand. "Gay Bash!"

"What's a gay bash?" Mike asked.

"Come on, we'll show ya." Spanky smirked.

The others then grabbed Xandir out of his room and took him to the backyard of the house to show a party. There were many gay men, even transsexual drag queens. Mike looked around and saw despite what Clara said, that there were people that were actually happy to be gay. Even Snagglepuss and Elmer Fudd were there. Mike never thought them of all people would be gay. Captain Hero even met his evil counterpart there. Mike looked all around and accidentally bumped into someone on the way.

"Hey, watch it!" a familiar voice snapped.

Mike's eyes then widened as she saw the source of the voice. "Marie Kanker!?"

"Mike!" The blue-haired Kanker sister from the cul-de-sac in Peach Creek called out. "What are you doing here?"

"I live here!" Mike defended a little. "Don't you watch reality television?"

"Nah, I've been trying to find myself a new place ever since you left the cul-de-sac," Marie informed. "After you left, I decided to tell Mom, Lee, and May that I came out as a lesbian... They didn't take it well, so I've been on the road ever since."

"Dang," Mike muttered. "I just found out last night I'm indeed a lesbian..."

Marie blinked. "And?"

"Well... You know... I didn't know until last night, I got adopted by Foxxy Love, she says she'll care about me no matter what, and--"

"Whoa, back up," Marie cut her off quickly. "What do you mean adopted? What happened to your parents?"

Mike then explained to Marie what had been happening to her lately. She didn't leave the cul-de-sac because she moved away. She found out that Chuck and Mikhali Swanson were not her real parents and they had adopted her when she was four and she had no memory because her real parents were murdered that time ago. Mike then placed herself in a foster home after having problems finding her biological family, but Chuck and Mikhali had mentioned having a biological older brother named James and an older sister name Jennifer. 

"Wow, Mike..." Marie muttered. "You're a lot stronger than you look..."

"Yeah, and I'm a lesbian..." Mike sighed.

"So? What's wrong with being a lesbian?" Marie beamed. "Lesbians rule! We can get away with being gay because straight guys think it's hot!"

"Why is that?"

"I dunno, usually guys are a bunch of perverts... Hey, that one ponytail's a good look for you."

"Um, thanks..." Mike blushed a little.

Marie smiled. "Why don't I give you a makeover if you're so scared of being a lesbian because of your reputation?"

"Oh, Marie, I couldn't make you do that..."

Marie grabbed her arm. "I want to... Come on!" She pulled Mike into the house. "Which one's your room?"

"That one." Mike pointed to the door.

"Awesome," Marie pulled her in and put her in a chair in front of the bathroom mirror. "Mike, being gay is nothing to be ashamed of... Sure, I stood up for myself and got thrown out because of what I believed in, but nobody likes it, who cares what they say?"

Mike hummed with a shrug. "Maybe you're right."

"I won't cut off too much now..." Marie took out a pair of scissors and started to trim about in Mike's ginger hair.

Mike bit her lip as she watched her hair fall out. Even the pigtails were gone. She had always had those pigtails since first grade. Marie made the hair go down and cover Mike's ears.

"How do you like it?" Marie asked.

"It's okay, I guess..." Mike stroked some of her hair, it bouncing back to her ears. She felt like a surfer dude now.

"You guess?" Marie scoffed. "Come on, Mike, you need to cut loose! You always did that on that island you were always talkin' about!"

"Yeah, I always said sometimes you just gotta go with it." Mike stood next to her.

"Come on, let's get you some new clothes," Marie walked with Mike over to the closet and opened to see short-sleeved red T-shirts, red skirts, and red and white sneakers. "Jeez, is this a closet or a factory of the same stuff over and over?"

"That's all I got..." Mike informed.

"Uh-uh, what about this?" Marie took out a red-hooded sweatshirt. 

"But it's not cold outside."

"Mike, do you wanna blend in with the crowd or not?"

"Uhh... Well...."

"Right, that's what I thought, let's get you new shoes too, ooh, and these jeans!" Marie collected all the clothes and threw them on Mike. "Perfect!"

Mike looked down and had to admit, it wasn't that bad a makeover. "Wow, thanks Marie..."

"Don't mention it." Marie smiled. "Come on, let's get our gay bash on!" She grabbed Mike's hand and pulled her back downstairs to outside as Xandir seemed to be having a lot of fun until another video game character came.

"Is that Pacman?" Mike blinked.

"Yeah, why do you think he always eats the ghosts?" Marie joked, laughing.

"Ah, Mike, glad to see you out and about, did you just come out of your closet?" Foxxy joked as she came to see Mike and Marie. "Oh, I see you got yourself a bitch."

Marie glared at her. "What did you just call me, you--"

Mike covered her mouth instantly. "Mama Foxxy, this is my old friend from the cul-de-sac, Marie Kanker... Marie, this is my new mother, Foxxy Love. She's a mystery solving musician."

Marie blinked, then smiled better. "Right..." She shook hands with Foxxy. "I guess you're surprised that I'm out, right?"

"Not really, I could guess based on your appearance..." Foxxy replied, sounding indifferent as she walked off.

"She must be a cool mom." Marie snorted.

"Yeah, pretty cool." Mike shrugged with a smile. "So good to see you again, Marie."

"Yeah," Marie smiled, then yawned and stretched. "Well, I guess I better get back to my hotel... I'll see you again later, okay?"

"Leaving so soon?" Mike sounded sad.

"Ah, don't worry, Mike, I'll be back... Don't ever forget me."

"I never will."

Marie grabbed her face. "I know you won't..." She then pulled Mike's lips hard against hers, then pulled back with a smile and went off to catch the bus that was in the house's driveway.

Mike sighed as she watched Marie leave just like that. 

The next morning, Mike saw Xandir, the house was a lot cleaner than it was before. 

"I can't call her..." Xandir paced.

"What's up, Xandir?" Mike asked.

"Oh, Mike, Foxxy says I should call my girlfriend and tell her, but I'm afraid to..." 

"Come on, what've you got to lose? ....Besides your girlfriend?"

"I-I can't..."

"Xandir, she has a right to know," Mike told him. "I told Eddy."

Xandir heaved a sigh. "You're right... Say, that's a good look for you."

"Really?" Mike smiled as she bounced her new hair. "I think it feels like the real me..." She chuckled a bit.

Xandir quickly dialed the number of his girlfriend and gripped on the phone cord as he was going to tell her the news. It didn't go so well. A tear rolled down his cheek as the girl hung up.

"Oh, man..." Mike felt that burn. She then heard the doorbell ring.

Mike went to the door and opened it to see a little Asian boy. "Yes?"

"Is there a talking pig here?" the boy asked.

"SPANKY! DOOR FOR YOU!" Mike yelled out as she let the pig attend to it.

Everyone else went in the kitchen while Xandir was depressed. It was tough enough to tell his girlfriend the news and now she didn't want to be rescued by him at all. Captain Hero was rambling, but Mike couldn't tell what about, she just ate crackers with Toot. There was then a yell heard.

"Oh, no, Xandir!" Mike cried out as she ran with the others.

"Oh, my God!" Foxxy was startled as they came to see the boy on the pool floor, having stabbed himself and in a puddle of his own blood. 

Xandir then suddenly faded away, but came right back and it was shown he had 50 lives. 

"Ooh, lord, thank God you ain't dead for real-real!" Foxxy smiled. "Just for play-play!"

"Good-bye, cruel world!" Xandir took out his blade and chucked it into himself again, falling again, but transporting right back.

"Cartoon physics..." Mike muttered.

"This could take a while..." Xandir told the others as he attempted to commit suicide, wasting his lives away.

Eventually, everyone got bored and Mike watched from her bedroom window. "He's down to 18!"

STAB!

"Make that 17." Mike yawned.

"Come to bed, child..." Foxxy pulled Mike over and tucked her in, despite being 12-years-old. "Now, if Mama Foxxy catches you commitin' suicide, you're grounded until your bones turn to dust... And if you touch Mama Foxxy's Funions, you will wish you committed suicide."

"Yes, Mama Foxxy..." Mike bundled down into her bed to get to sleep like the others.

No one could sleep though. Everyone came downstairs in their pajamas and decided to stop it once and for all.

"Dammit Xandir, you're keeping us all awake!" Toot scolded. "Can't you kill yourself more quietly like Bizarro Captain Hero did?"

"Uhh... Yeah, right, killed himself... Sure..." Captain Hero muttered, but smiled innocently. "Tragic..."

Xandir decided to take one last blade to finally kill himself off this planet.

"Wait, wait, maybe instead of trying to kill yourself, maybe you could just try stop being gay?" Clara lightly suggested.

Mike and Foxxy glared at her.

"Clara, that's just stupid!" Foxxy snorted. "Being gay is something you're born with. Like red hair or dead parents," she gestured to Mike as an example. 

"Yeah, it's not just something you can wish away." Mike added.

"That's it, black girl and her orphan lackey!" Clara beamed. "We'll just wish the gay away! All we need to do is find a genie in the lamp."

"That's a great idea, let's do it!" Xandir gushed.

"And where would we find this genie and lamp?" Mike asked.

"Come with me, I know the secret location with someone hiding it and I know his true and only weakness." Clara beamed.

Later on, everyone met back. Clara had made muffins and they were for the person they were going to interrogate. The person was Wooldoor and instead of feeding the muffins to him, Clara hit him with the tray and demanded to be told the secret location. 

"Tell us where the lamp is, you lousy, lying, piece of shit!" Clara snapped.

"Lamp?" Wooldoor asked, rubbing his head as he got hit again. "I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Cigarette?" Xandir offered one as he lit one for himself.

Mike wrinkled her nose and waved her hand, shaking her head. Clara and Xandir were rather scary. They kept yelling at, abusing, and swearing at Wooldoor, but the 'whatchamacallit' gave in and admitted the lamp was locked in his butt. Mike looked away instantly as they were going to get the lamp out that way. The lamp was now taken out.

"That was gross," Mike took the lamp with gloves on her hands. "Is this gonna have a magical genie come out that makes references only my parents understand?"

"What else would a genie do, Mike?" Clara asked, like it was obvious.

"Whatever," Mike walked away from her hand the lamp to Xandir. "Here you go, Xandir... Hopefully this makes you happy, I guess..." She handed it to him and walked off.

Foxxy was sitting on their bed in their room, reading a magazine, then looked over. "Hi, sweetie, how you doin'?"

"Okay, I guess, Mama Foxxy," Mike lay next to her, wanting some kind of comfort like only a real mother could. "Mama Foxxy, you said you'd love me no matter what, right?"

"Of course I would, I'll be better than my own family was," Foxxy smiled as she wrapped her arm around Mike. "What's on your mind, baby?"

"It's about Marie from the gay bash last night," Mike looked up to her. "I took the gay test too... And I found out that... Well... I am gay... I mean, I'm a lesbian..."

"Well, of course you are," Foxxy smiled. "You wore boxers under that skirt you used to wear. I'm glad you told me and finally come to accept it."

"You mean, you knew I was a lesbian?" Mike looked up to her adoptive mother.

"Mothers know these things and I'm a lot more proud of you because of it," Foxxy smiled fondly. "Does Marie like you back?"

Mike shrugged with a smile. "I think so... She gave me this makeover... Plus, she was my first kiss. She got kicked out of her own home because she decided she liked girls instead of boys."

"Well, I don't know Marie, but if you can see her again, be sure to stay close and maybe even get married."

Mike beamed, hugging her adoptive mother again. "Thanks, Mama Foxxy, you're the best foster mother I ever had."

"And you're the best baby I'll ever have." Foxxy hugged her back tightly.


	5. Requiem for a Reality Show

Wooldoor was heard zipping around like the Roadrunner from Looney Tunes as everyone was relaxing. Mike was checking out her latest Action Guy comic, Ling-Ling was lying against Clara, Toot was finishing off one of her snacks with a tub of chocolate ice cream, Captain Hero was doing one armed push-ups, Spanky was on the COMPUTER, and Xandir was catering to Foxxy. 

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Spanky nearly strangled Wooldoor for interrupting him during one of his web searches.

Wooldoor's head exploded, but he grew a new one to show the paper in his hands. "We got a letter from the producers. We're having a grocery competition!"

"Grocery competition?" Clara asked, curious.

"We have to fight for our food now!?" Toot exclaimed. "These competitions are bull-toot! I'm still all woozy from losing the oxygen competition!"

Mike patted her arm, making the chubby woman smile. "Okay, split up like last time."

"Right, come on, Mike." Foxxy took Mike with her to their side of the team.

The nine housemates split up. It was uneven though because of Mike, but she always went with Foxxy, Toot, Ling-Ling, and Xandir. Mostly because their team was the smarter one and had the easiest lay-out. The winners would win the case, but the losers would get no food at all and surely starve like, in Clara's words, Mexicans. Mike worked out like everyone before the contest would start.

"You really think I could do it, Mike?" Toot asked her best friend in the house.

"Of course, you could eat a whole house, just remember, we get the food if we win, just think about food!" Mike encouraged.

"Aw, you're the sweetest little street urchin ever, Foxxy's so lucky to have adopted a little sexually challenged thing like you." Toot beamed.

Mike still had the MAKEOVER that Marie Kanker had given her from Xandir's gay bash. "I really like this look so far... I never realized how comfortable jeans could be. Alright, what's the competition?"

"Team A has to come up with a cure for polio, before we have to put an egg into a bucket." Toot explained to her.

Mike looked flat. "What!? How come we get that?"

"Well, Mike, lately, Mama Foxxy's been tryin' to find you a daddy, so Mama Foxxy's been blowin' the producers," Foxxy smirked. "If you catch my drift."

"Too much information," Mike winced, then smiled. "Not too bad, I guess, it's not that hard putting an egg in a bucket."

An alien in a UFO came by with a stoplight to have them get ready, get set, and then go. He let them go and both teams got started. Mike seemed agitated though. The others made it seem like it was impossible putting an egg into a bucket while the other team was injecting and going to cure Wooldoor as their test subject of the dreaded polio. Xandir picked up the egg, but put it by the bucket instead of in.

"Guys?" Mike spoke up.

"Shh, I need to concentrate." Xandir told the girl.

Toot looked very nervous. She grabbed the bucket and moved it to the other side of the egg. Foxxy put the bucket upside down and put the egg on top, and everyone else thought that was right, but it was INDEED very wrong. 

"And I thought the Albonquetines and Ed needed a little help in common sense..." Mike folded her arms, rolling her eyes slightly.

The egg was now on the table and Foxxy, Xandir, Toot, and Ling-Ling placed themselves inside the bucket. 

"Hey, guys," Mike spoke up, playing along with their SLOWNESS. "I got an idea!"

"You think this easy? You try then!" Ling-Ling nearly shouted at her.

Mike let that slide and picked up the egg and put it into the bucket.

"Mike, you did it!" Toot beamed. "You put the egg in the bucket!"

Everyone cheered for her then and they won the competition. Wooden crates of endless food fell from the sky for Team B and it was all thanks to Mike. Team A didn't cure polio, so they lost and they won 'crates of humiliation'. They just couldn't believe they lost. 

"Fantastic," Spanky scoffed. "No food for a week!"

"Actually, your team does have an option of food." Mike smirked as they won, making fun of the fact that Spanky was a pig.

There was dozens and dozens in abundant food for the winning team. They all sat together and decided to eat together. Mike ate a lot more than she normally would and Foxxy allowed her to. For some reason, Mike had eaten a lot more meat than she usually would. She thought it was probably because she spent a year on an island and barely had any meat to eat since almost everything to eat there was coconut based. 

Then again, she ate a lot of jawbreakers with Ed, Edd, and Eddy. Who cares though? She won and they all used teamwork. Mike had to admit though, she felt bad. The other team wasn't allowed to eat anything. Not even food from the fridge. They would probably die by next week. 

"Mama Foxxy, I'm feeling funny..." Mike spoke up.

"That's just another HEARTBURN, you'll be fine." Foxxy assured her.

"No, I mean, I feel bad that the others can't eat." Mike clarified.

Foxxy ruffled her hair. "You'll get over that too, now eat."

Mike decided to see her best friend and her eyes widened. Toot was eating a lot more than she ever would in one hour. She scarfed down pizza, dunked a roast turkey into chocolate fudge, had eight drumsticks in a bowl by her, cut up brownies, a pie, and a plate of cheese.

"Toot, I never seen you eat this much even for a full thirty seconds!" Mike called out.

"This is the happiest day of my life, Mike!" Toot beamed. "With this lifetime supply of food, I can fill the empty void of loneliness and unlovedness deep inside of me..."

Mike looked at her. "We're friends, aren't we?"

"Yeah, but you didn't come into my life until three weeks ago!" Toot snapped as she ate the jar of fudge and smiled. "Oh, yeah... Pass the drumsticks. I won't kill you if you take one..."

Mike shrugged, taking a couple for herself, then handed the bowl over and Toot ate a bunch. Mike suddenly felt sick to her stomach and not very hungry when she would watch Toot eat. Mike decided to take a nice, long nap after having a full belly. 

When Mike woke up, Toot gained a massive amount of weight and had Xandir in a revealing and feminine prison outfit. He had a chain around his neck and it was attached to Toot's wrist. Ling-Ling was laughing wickedly.

"I don't wanna know..." Mike muttered.

"Oh, Mike, I'm glad you're here," Toot smiled, her voice had gotten very low. "Pass me that Han Solo..."

Mike saw a figure stuck and paralyzed against a table. She wheeled it over while Toot scooped it like an ice cream cone and ate it. Ling-Ling spotted a slice of pizza and tried to pull it out from Toot's fat, but got sucked into it. 

"She's scaring me more than usual..." Xandir whispered to Mike.

Mike looked down to him. "So are you in that Princess Leia get up."

Foxxy walked by and Toot seemed to feel sad she wasn't thin and beautiful like the fox woman. 

"Look at me... I'm so fat!" Toot cried. "I'm disgusting!"

"Oh, pshaw," Xandir was surprisingly soothing. "You're not morbidly OBESE, honey..."

Ling-Ling then sprouted out from Toot and slid all the way into the kitchen floor. 

"Ohmigosh, Ling-Ling, you okay?" Mike rushed over to the tiny battle monster.

The battle monster panted as he felt traumatized. "Ling-Ling see things... HORRIBLE THINGS!"

Toot and Xandir stared at him since they didn't know what he said and Toot cried again. 

"I think you need a bath..." Mike picked up the battle monster despite the grossness attached to him. "Come on..." She took him upstairs to the bathroom.

Ling-Ling squirmed and whimpered in her hold, mostly because of the grossness he was trapped in. Mike got them into the bathroom and she started to wash up Ling-Ling, calming him down a little. There were random forest critters coming into the house and seemed to be following the harmonious tone from Clara's singing. Mike shrugged it off as randomness provided by the show as she continued to wash Ling-Ling.

"Ling-Ling feel more refreshed like Ancient Chinese secret," Ling-Ling said, then looked to Mike. "You there, when Ling-Ling best battle monster and go on killing spree, your death shall be quick and painless!" He then scampered off.

"Um, glad I could help." Mike smiled softly.

Mike then went downstairs. She passed by the desert part of the house where Clara, Wooldoor, Captain Hero, and Spanky were forced to be apart of. She then saw they were eating.

"What's going on here?" Mike asked them.

"Spanky's surprised us with a feast," Clara informed her, smiling. "Spanky, where did you get this tasty meat?"

Spanky hummed before answering as he ate. "Erm, the meat blimp crashed out back."

"That looks kinda good," Mike came closer. "Would it be too much trouble if I had a little nibble? I've had nothing but fatty acids."

"Just a little bit..." Clara broke off some of her meat and allowed Mike to have some.

Mike smiled as she took it and ate it, then smacked her lips. "Kinda salty... Tastes familiar somehow... Like a chipmunk..."

"Oh, Mike, don't be silly." Clara told her.

"Yeah, don't be silly!" Spanky repeated, sounding suspicious to Mike somehow.

"Now, what's this meat blimp?" Clara asked.

"Oh, it's how they move meat these days." Spanky explained.

"Mm-hmm." Wooldoor nodded.

"Oh, well, it certainly was delicious," Clara stood up from her seat. "In fact..." She started to sing.

"What Disney movie were you rejected from?" Mike asked about her ability to sing well about nothing.

Suddenly, it seemed like the meat was moving on its own somehow. 

"That's odd," Clara looked around. "Where are all my woodland friends?"

"You have woodland friends?" Mike asked.

"Yes, Mike, since I'm a fairy tale princess, every time I sing, I'm accompanied by animals who come with me and keep me company." Clara explained.

Mike looked out the window and saw that a blimp with meat with it was indeed flying outside. The meat really was moving then. Mike screamed and ran off.

"It's the hot dogs episode all over again!" Mike yelled out as she ran upstairs. She found Xandir and Foxxy in the rec room, playing pool. "What's happening here?"

"Mama Foxxy tried to get you a daddy again, Captain Hero, but now, the magic is gone." Foxxy told the girl.

"Thank goodness," Mike muttered, then walked over to see the game. "Mind if I hang out here for a little while?"

"Not at all, make yourself comfortable." Xandir insisted.

Mike went over to a couch and hopped into it. However, she felt stuck suddenly. It was then she realized that there was pratically vomit everywhere. Xandir and Foxxy noticed too and Ling-Ling came with a camera covered in throw up as well, even when he would snap a photograph, it's come out, covered in the fowl body fluids. 

"I should talk to her..." Mike stated.

"Are you sure you wanna do that, Mike?" Xandir asked. "Toot might explode all over you..."

"I'm going to, she's my friend, and I always help my friends." Mike informed with a nod, then left the room.

"I raised her well..." Foxxy smiled.

"You've only been her mother for four weeks..." Xandir murmured.

"WHO ASKED YOU, FOO!?" Foxxy glared at him. 

Mike went to find Toot. "Hey..."

Toot wiped her mouth after another session to be skinny again. "Oh, hey, Mike... Isn't it wonderful? I can now look like the skinny and adorable child I once was! That'll show my mom!"

Mike blinked. "Your mom?"

"Yes, my mom," Toot's voice grew low. "Look, I never told anyone this... And I don't plan to... I'm an adult now, but it still bothers me..." She shuffled her foot.

"What is it?"

"Nah, I-I promised not to tell anybody."

"Toot, you can tell me anything, we're best friends now..."

"No, I rather not..." Toot started to walk away.

Mike grabbed her wrist. "Toot, please."

"Ow, Mike, you're hurting me!" Toot winced.

"Oh, sorry..." Mike loosened her grip a little. "Tell me... What's wrong? Does it have to do with your mother?"

Toot's eyes blinked rapidly, then they suddenly formed tears. She then shut her eyes tight and tears leaked down the sides of her chubby face. "Yes! Yes, it does!" She then put her hands to her eyes and started to bawl like a baby.

"Oh, Toot, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry..." Mike coaxed.

"Well you did, because you reminded me of the terrible woman known as Angel Braunstein!"

"What did she do?"

"Just promise me you won't tell anybody!"

"Like when you promised not to tell anyone about Clara's vagina?" Mike narrowed her eyes to the black and white girl.

"I can't help it, I'm a beauty queen, gossip is one of my natural instincts," Toot smiled slyly, then grew serious. "But promise you won't tell anyone about this, okay?"

"I promise."

"Pinky promise?"

"I pinky promise."

"Super Duper Ultra Pinky Prom--"

"TOOT!"

"Okay," Toot heaved a sharp sigh. "Here goes... You see... Before I became a lovable sex icon in my day... I came from a troubled home... Daddy was barely home, so I had to stay with my housewife mother... We couldn't afford for me to go to school, so I couldn't make any friends..."

Mike and Toot sat together.

"Mom was the worst," Toot continued. "She always called me ugly and disgraceful... Called me nasty names like 'bitch', 'whore', 'failed abortion'."

"Failed abortion?" Mike sounded horrified about that last one.

"Well, yeah," Toot shrugged, looking back at Mike. "Mom never wanted kids, Dad did, she tried to get an abortion when she was pregnant with me, but it was too late. I had so much baby fat in me that I made her look like she was too late in pregnancy to kill the embryo... She also said I ruined her figure and couldn't get it back, even after I had been born for a while... She always hit me with her wine bottle, rub dirt in my eyes, and steam her cigarettes into my navel or arm." She showed the burns on her arm.

"Wow, I never noticed those before..." Mike muttered.

"Of course you haven't," Toot sighed. "Luckily I got to escape with Dad once they wanted me to be a sex symbol..."

"When you were old enough to move out?"

"When I was about your age," Toot replied with a smile. "This shady guy said I had a nice ass, he wanted me to go into his van filled with candy."

Mike cringed, knowing what that actually meant. 

"Asshole, no candy..." Toot huffed, narrowing her eyes at that memory. "So I ate him, but I became famous. Everybody loved me, except for my co-stars, because of the loneliness in my life, I just ate all the time..."

Mike gave an understanding look. "I see... Well, you're not lonely anymore... Because, you got me."

Toot looked back at her with a smile. Mike smiled back. The two then shared a hug. Toot's stomach rumbled, then she cupped her mouth and quickly dashed away to the bathroom and puked up again.

"Wooldoor, how'd you get in there?" Toot asked behind the bathroom door.

"Clara decided to punish me for getting Spanky to eat her woodland friends." Wooldoor replied. 

Mike shuddered, still feeling sick to her stomach. She didn't feel like eating again for a very long time.


	6. The Other Cousin

The housemates were informed of a visitor coming. They all waited outside at the front door to greet their guest. Wooldoor was beaming with excitement about who it could possibly be. The producers decided to surprise them with a visit from a family member. 

"Oh, Mike, you think your homophobic parents will come by?" Captain Hero asked.

Mike slapped him like Batman did to Robin at one point. She even sneered to him. "My parents are dead, douche monkey!"

"Mike, don't use that kind of language." Foxxy scolded. "White boy would be proper."

"Sorry, Mama Foxxy..." Mike murmured like she was really Foxxy's daughter now, even if she was adopted.

"That's okay, shugah, I still love you..." Foxxy smiled, gently ruffling up Mike's ginger hair.

Mike smiled and looked over with the others to see this mysterious guest they were all anticipating to meet. Wooldoor hoped it would be someone from his extended family. Ling-Ling hoped it would be his father. Mike hoped it was probably someone from Foxxy's family so she would get to know her new family a little bit better since she lived in a different home with new her mother than their own. 

"Look, everybody!" Clara pointed happily as a horse-drawn carriage was coming, it was very likely someone from HER family. "Someone's coming!"

However, the carriage came closer. There was a coachman indeed with horses, but the carriage revealed to be like a school bus. There came a woman with a football helmet with boots and appeared to have a woolen jacket of some type. Clara's happiness quickly faded once she saw who it was. 

"Oh, f*** me..." Clara murmured.

The person rushed over and hugged the princess in purple, mumbling something. The others stared at the princess with the highly assumed woman. 

"Um, everyone," Clara spoke up, seeing their odd stares. "This is my 'special' cousin, Bleh..."

The others still stared as Bleh looked at them. Her green eyes seemed to blink at different times. Bleh said something to them, but no one could make out what it was. 

"What in the shoe bag was that?" Wooldoor pointed in his own shock.

"She... umm... Speaks only quotes from reviews for the movie I Am Sam." Clara explained, a little embarrassed.

Spanky and Captain Hero grinned to each other then.

"Well, this has been fun, bye!" Clara grabbed Bleh's arm and dashed off.

"Well, I've never seen someone that SLOW go so fast." Captain Hero remarked, attempting to make a joke. "Oh, yeah!" He put his hand up for anyone to slap it.

Spanky laughed, giving him a high-five. "Oh, yeah!"

Later on, Mike came outside to get some fresh air. She then looked over to see Ling-Ling taking a banner off the door.

"Ling-Ling, you okay?" Mike asked.

The battle monster's ears drooped. "Father no show again, Ling-Ling should not be surprised..."

"Oh, Ling-Ling, come on..." Mike coaxed. "Maybe he just got caught up in something... I'm sure he'll come over soon."

"No, this just like first battle," Ling-Ling looked up to her. "Just like pee wee soccer tournament." Even his tail drooped.

"Oh, Lingy..." Mike held him like a baby, trying to rock him.

"What's going on out here?" Xandir came out with Toot then.

"Ling-Ling's sad because his dad didn't come." Mike told them as she sat with him, still rocking him like a baby.

"Oh, poor Ling-Ling..." Xandir sounded sorry for the creature. "Sweetie, I'm sorry your father's not coming, we still love ya!"

"Yeah, you're one of us," Mike added with a smile, then looked to her new best friend. "Right, Toot?"

Toot had her hands on her hips, looking impatient. She then gave in and whined. "Fiiiiine..." She even gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Ling-Ling, you taste so weird..." Her pupils became dilated.

Xandir's eyes seemed bigger. The two of them were then laughing. Mike kept Ling-Ling close and decided to take him inside.

"Well, I still like ya," Mike said as she carried the battle monster. "You're like the pet I've always wanted..."

"Girl with boy name is most considerate when no one else care..." Ling-Ling said softly in her hold.

"Get some rest," Mike let Ling-Ling out of her arms and allowed him to scamper into her bed. "You really deserve it... I'm gonna go to the pool with the others."

Ling-Ling nodded, curling up into a ball and taking a little nap. Mike smiled, then got into her red bathing suit with was a sleeveless top and a pair of bikini shorts. She slid on her sandals and decided to join everyone else in the house pool. 

Foxxy, Captain Hero, and Spanky were already there. Foxxy gave Mike a drink as they drank together and were just putting their feet in the water. It was a normal evening until Clara and Bleh decided to come outside.

"Corky at 3:00!" Spanky remarked.

"Porky right in front of me." Mike got back at him.

Spanky glared at her, but smirked at the royal cousins. 

"I've been telling Clara that we need to hang around her mentally challenged cousin," Foxxy smiled. "Back in the Foxxy Five, we were always preforming for mentally challenged people."

"Really?" Mike asked.

"Oh, yes," Foxxy smiled. "Them mentally challenged people's hearts are as big as their enlarged foreheads."

"Cool." Mike smiled as Clara came, helping Bleh come over as they were both in robes.

Captain Hero took out a couple of eggs to use against Bleh while Spanky agreed that was a great idea. 

"Mind if we join you guys?" Clara asked.

"No, no, no, of course not, don't be stupid." Spanky smiled, then he and Captain Hero laughed at what he said, the two of them ready to throw their eggs.

However, Bleh dropped her robe down. She was shown in a very skimpy lime green bikini and even removed her helmet to show long, flowing, beautiful red hair. Despite her dazed face, Bleh was very beautiful. Even Mike showed attraction towards her. Spanky and Hero's eggs broke into their hands as they were shocked about how Clara's cousin really looked. She opened up her bikini top to reveal her perky and naked breasts.

"Man, Clara's cousin is so hot..." Captain Hero murmured.

"Damn, she's like Victorian hot!" Spanky gasped.

Bleh went to the diving board of the main pool, but dropped down to it and hugged it, whining and crying. Regardless of that, she still was beautiful. After a bit of swimming, everyone decided to get to know Bleh a little bit better. Clara didn't know why, but she was glad Bleh had come and everyone treated her as one of the gang.

"You sure you don't wanna stay a few more hours?" Captain Hero asked as he got a cigar and the girls decided to head inside.

"Nah, it's getting late," Clara went to assist her cousin. "And we don't wanna intrude on guy time."

"She has a point, it's getting quite late, Mike." Foxxy informed.

"Okay, I'm coming..." Mike wrapped a towel around her head, going closer to Foxxy to get inside their house.

"Good night!" Clara called.

Bleh ranted one of her famous drawls as she went in with Foxxy, Clara, and Mike.

"So, Mike, have you felt any attraction towards Clara's cousin?" Foxxy asked, making up Mike's bed after Ling-Ling apparently left after his power nap.

Mike crawled into the bed after she got her pajamas on. "Yeah... I-Is it wrong that I just wanted to squeeze her boobs?"

"Not at all, honey," Foxxy patted her head. "It just makes you human... You've been hanging around more boys, but you seem to be more attracted to girls lately..."

"Especially Clara's cousin..." Mike sounded as though she were falling in love.

Foxxy hummed, then kissed her foster daughter's forehead. "Well, you can't rush these things... Have a good night... Oh, and Mike?"'

"Yeah?"

"If you need me to wash your sheets in the morning after you sleep, just let me know."

"Uh, Mama Foxxy, I don't wet the bed..."

"I'm not talking about that..." Foxxy smirked, then clicked out the light and shut the door behind her.

Mike blinked. "What was that about?" She looked into the camera, then put her head down to get some sleep.

The next morning, Mike's eyes fluttered open. She let out a yawn, then looked to see her sheets were wet. Mike wondered where that came from, she didn't have a nightmare. She pulled back the covers and saw that instead of yellow urine, there was white, squishy stuff in her bed.

"MAMA FOXXY!" Mike cried out.

Foxxy ran in with, bearing a frying pan. "What no good sunofabitch has my baby?" She then looked to see Mike was just alone and in her wet, sticky mess. "Mike, you're fine?"

"There's white sticky stuff all over my bed," Mike growled. "I think Spanky tried to glue me to my bed..."

Foxxy leaned in, sniffed the substance, put some on her finger and licked it. "Oh, Mike, that's not glue... You just had a wet dream."

"Wet dream?" Mike asked.

"Yes," Foxxy smiled with a tear in her eye and she wiped it away. "You're growing up faster than I thought... You see, Mike, sometimes we have urges and we have thoughts and feelings about people we don't understand sometimes... It's obvious that you like Bleh like the other guys do..."

"Wait, so what's that white, sticky stuff?" Mike sounded panicked.

Foxxy leaned in and whispered. The answer made Mike shudder instantly in horror. 

"That came out of me?" Mike gritted her teeth.

Foxxy nodded. "It's only natural... Man, I really need to get you into a school..."

"What do I do?" Mike pulled on her hair. "I mean, Bleh is Clara's cousin..."

"Why don't you take her out on a date?"

"Mama Foxxy, aren't I too young to be dating?"

"Now, come on, when I was 14, I moved out of the house."

Mike remembered what she was told of that. "Your mother kicked you out of the house."

"Whateva," Foxxy scoffed at that memory. "I just say take her out... See if you really like her... She probably thinks you're a boy and won't feel weird about it..."

Mike blinked, then smiled. "You're right... I'll do it! Uhh..." she looked at the mess.

"Don't worry, Mama Foxxy will take care of that for you."

"Thanks!"

Later on, Mike gathered flowers from the house's garden. She wore her best clothes and knocked on Clara's door. She explained of how she wanted to take Bleh out on a date and Clara started to act like an overprotective father as she made Mike sit on the couch.

"So, Mike Mavinsky, is it?" Clara paced around the tomboy.

"Well... Yeah..." Mike shrugged at her.

"So, you wanna take my little Bleh out for a night in town, huh?" the princess went to the fire place, then grabbed a tommy gun as there were animals mounted on the wall. "Ya know, I dunno what I'd do if anything were to happen to my little Bleh." 

"Uhh... Okay, Clara..." Mike shrugged, she wasn't sure why Clara was acting like this.

"Son, do you know what it's like to kill a man with your bare hands?" Clara looked her dead in the eye. "I do..."

"Did you just call me 'son'?" Mike narrowed her eyes at the fairy tale princess.

Bleh just came in then with her hair done up with a big bow to match her orange dress with golden fringe. She walked down the stairs and smiled once she saw Mike and had an emerald necklace around her neck.

"You look great." Mike smiled up to the mentally challenged woman.

Bleh smiled back with slight drool and babbled. Mike took her hand and they left the house with their arms linked together. Before they got too far, something hit Mike's neck.

"Ow," Mike winced, rubbing her neck. "What the hell?"

"A little added protection," Clara smirked darkly, then glared at the two. 

Mike blinked, then continued to take Bleh out. "Come on... Let's get going." 

Mike took Bleh into a limo to take them out into the city. It was actually a romantic evening for both of them. Mike and Bleh stuck their heads out from the roof and enjoyed the nightly breeze. They stopped to the county fair and walked in to play some games and just have fun together. 

Mike gave Bleh some cotton candy and went to the ball throwing bottles game. She threw the ball as hard as she could, knocking all of the bottles in the booth down and won a giant teddy bear she gave to Bleh who was sucking on her cotton candy. Then the two shared funnel cake together in a Lady and the Tramp way. Some of Bleh's drool got into the cake though and Mike's stomach turned and she happily let Bleh finish it off. 

Bleh then took Mike to one of the rollar coasters. Bleh held her arms out and stood at the top of the car they rode in, but Mike quickly pulled her down so she wouldn't get hurt as they zoomed down the tracks. 

After that romantic evening, Bleh had a hard time walking, but Mike kept her secure to take her back to Clara's room. Bleh muttered something with Mike, but Mike shushed her. 

"I'm too young for that..." Mike whispered. "I had a great time, but no."

Bleh begged Mike, but then Mike covered her drooly mouth.

"No, Bleh... I promised your cousin I wouldn't," Mike stated sharply. "I'll get in a lot of trouble. Good night, Bleh..." she opened the door and let her go inside.

Bleh smiled sluggishly. Mike smiled back, then kissed her cheek and let the mental girl to get some rest.

"Hey, there she is!" Spanky called as he had a wad of money in his hands and Captain Hero stood behind him, folding his arms.

"What's happening?" Mike asked them.

"Spanky and I made a bet that you would go out with Bleh and sleep with her," Captain Hero informed. "I wanted to do it first, but she seemed more interested in you!"

"I thought it'd be nice." Mike shrugged.

"And I can't believe you're not old enough for sex and you slept with her!" Spanky laughed.

"What!? I didn't sleep with her! I can't even do that yet!"

Spanky's eyes grew wide, then he had another smart remark. "So you kids are taking it slow? ....See what I did there?" He laughed, making Captain Hero laugh with him.

"Oh, back off!" Mike snorted, then went to her room as it got pretty late in the night and she slammed the door. Mike went in and looked for adoptive mother and saw fresh clean sheets with a note. "'Having another late night attempt to find you a dad, hugs and kisses, Mama Foxxy, PS: Your wet dream made Mama a little horny herself'." Mike rolled her eyes, then got into her pajamas and got herself into bed.

A bit later that night, there was a knock at Mike's door. Mike went over and saw Bleh in her underwear and helmet.

"Bleh, I already told you!" Mike protested.

Bleh shushed Mike, then shut the door behind her into the darkness and pushed Mike onto the bed. 

The next morning, Clara called for her retarded cousin, but no one answered. She then stormed into Mike's room and saw Clara in bed with Mike. Mike was tied to her bed while Bleh seemed to be doing most of the work. Clara yelled at them and threw a towel to the completely naked Bleh to get back in her 'cage'. 

"I can't believe you!" Clara sneered. "You... You... Reverse pedophile!"

"How am I the pedophile?" Mike glared at the princess. "Your cousin slept with ME! We had a great time last night and I guess she just wanted seconds..."

Clara looked mad for a second, then her expression softened. "Well... I guess you did a good job at taking care of her..."

"I think I did." Mike did the best shrug she could and smiled.

"You're a good kid, Mike," Clara smiled. "Your dead parents would be proud... If only you were a real boy and not a mixed-up kid."

"You're lucky I'm tied up right now..." Mike narrowed her eyes.

A while passed, it was now time for Bleh to go home. Mike parted ways with her.

"I'll really miss you..." Mike said softly to the woman. "I mean, you took my virginity, and you drool all over me, and it's very unlikely I'll see you again... But... It was nice... Have a good trip back to wherever you came from."

Bleh babbled, kissing Mike on the cheek, putting her helmet on, then going onto the bus carriage and rode off. Mike waved and decided to go back inside and saw her adoptive mother in a sexy cop outfit wheeling an old woman in a wheelchair.

"Would you rather have two mama's or a mama and a daddy?" Foxxy asked. 

Mike grimaced suddenly.


	7. Dirty Pranking

It was just a normal and plain day at the Drawn Together house. Clara was on the telephone, talking with her father as she seemed quite depressed for some reason, but she wasn't sure what it was. She kept telling the others that she wanted more in her life and she was tired of being a princess which summed up about every Disney movie about princesses ever. 

"How was your dad, Clara?" Mike asked.

"Oh, he was all right, I suppose..." Clara sighed. "Mike, do you ever feel like something's missing from your life? Like... Perhaps your deadbeat parents?"

"My parents were not deadbeats..." Mike rolled her eyes. "They were the best parents ever... I mean, well, next to Foxxy since she adopted me."

"At least you have a mother..." Clara replied.

"You don't have a mother?" Mike asked.

"Mike, I'm a Disney princess, of course I don't!" Clara said like it was obvious. "Anyway, you wouldn't mind helping me out, would you?"

"I dunno, Clara, I guess I could try..." Mike said as she took Clara's hand. "Come on, usually if I'm down in the dumps, I like to take a walk outside to clear my head."

"How very mature and tranquil of you, Mike." Clara smile peacefully as she joined Mike in a little stroll.

Mike and Clara walked outside of the house. The fairy tale princess could only stared down at her feet as they walked by the swimming pool and hot tub while Mike tried to make light of the situation. Mike frowned as she felt bad for Clara as she still looked upset.

"Hey, Mike, you want anything on your pizza?" Spanky asked the tomboy as he had the telephone.

"Eh, might as well make it plain cheese," Mike shrugged. "Clara's pretty down, and there's nothing therapeutic like a cheese pizza."

"If you say so." Spanky shrugged before going back inside the house.

"Oh, Mike, I really appreciate you helping me, but like a very traditional comedian who makes everyone laugh and feel good about themselves and then suddenly die from suicide, I'm just a big bummer on everybody." Clara sighed.

"Too soon." Mike winced as she took out a DVD copy of Mrs. Doubtfire. 

Later on, they came back inside as the pizza was about to be delivered to the house. Clara stopped as she took a look at Foxxy and Spanky as they were at the front door. 

"Good evening, delivery man of pizza." Foxxy greeted in a sophisticate accent.

"That will be $8.26, please." The delivery man replied.

"Oh, boy, pizza." Mike smiled.

"This isn't for you." Spanky told her.

"What?!" Mike glared.

"Shh, you're gonna mess it up!" Spanky told her before he took the pizza box and opened it while pulling down his pants.

"Spanky, no, you're not!" Mike cringed. "That's just sickening!"

Foxxy reached into her bra to take out the money to pay the delivery guy only for Spanky to come back. "Here's your money, kind sir." The mystery solving musician smiled.

"Oh, thank you." The delivery man smiled back as he accepted the money.

"Wait a second," Spanky said as he came to the door and showed the now ruined pizza in his hooves. "Uh, I don't remember ordering this pizza with sausage!"

The delivery guy soon screamed in horror while Foxxy and Spanky laughed at him. Mike just cringed in disgust as she couldn't believe they would stoop so low, though Clara was heard giggling.

"Hey, what're you doing here?" Spanky glared at the princess.

Clara gasped as she was spotted and soon ran off.

"Aw, look at what you did, you guys!" Mike glared. "Clara was in a rotten mood and you just made it worse! Mama Foxxy, I can't believe you would allow this!"

"Aw, I'm sorry, baby, but a little prank is okay every now and again," Foxxy smiled to her. "Look, we have another pizza in the oven if you're hungry, okay?"

Mike then went in the kitchen and took the pizza, to her relief, it was still clean, so she took it and went upstairs to her room. "I'm gonna share with Captain Hero, Ling-Ling, Xandir, and Toot," she then huffed. "I'll be anxious to talk to you guys when it's chilly in Hell."

"Man, what's her problem?" Spanky scoffed about Mike, thinking she was just overreacting.

The next morning soon came. 

"Now, remember, Toot, call your AA Sponsor today and have them take care of you," Mike told the sex symbol as they came downstairs together and she kept a bottle of Captain Morgan away from her. "I'm gonna go check on Clara."

"Okay..." Toot sighed. "Thanks for the pizza, Mike."

Mike smiled to her and then came outside as Clara stood by the garden. "Hey, Clara, how are we feeling today?" she then asked the princess.

"Mike, I can't stop thinking about Foxxy, Spanky, and that pizza man," Clara smiled back to the tomboy. "I need to learn more."

"You mean with pranks?" Mike asked. "Clara, you shouldn't."

"What's wrong, Mike?" Clara pouted. "Don't you want me to be happy?"

"Well, yeah, I do, but--" Mike replied.

"Then let me be happy with them..." Clara said. "Please, Mike, I think I've found my calling."

"All right..." Mike sighed. "But the minute you shit on my breakfast, I'm breaking those pearly whites Walt Disney cursed you with."

Foxxy sat in a chair while Spanky was braiding her hair, though she saw that they didn't have much money and probably couldn't do any more pizza pranks with him. 

"Wait!" Clara gasped as she came to the two.

"Yo, Princess, if you're lookin' for the pizza, you're too late, Mike took it and we ate the last slices already." Foxxy told her.

"Here," Clara said as she handed money over. "Here's $8.26." 

"You too, huh?" Spanky looked over to her and then pulled down his pants. "Well, here it is."

"Ah, put that back where it came from!" Mike grimaced. "I don't like looking at those things... They make me sick."

"Ah, so you're a dickophobe!" Spanky huffed. "I always thought there was something weird about you! Are you a reverse hermaphrodite or somethin'?"

"That's not what I wanna see, and I don't think Clara had that in mind!" Mike told the pig.

"Then what the hell's the money for?" Spanky asked as he then put his pants back on.

"Here, I want you have this money for your little game with the pizza man." Clara told Spanky.

"Little game?" Spanky asked her. "Did you say little game? The fan fiction PerkyGoth14 uploads in one day is a little game! Screwing with the pizza man is a way of life, my friend! It's who I am!"

Clara seemed aroused by the look in Spanky's eyes. "Wait, Spanky, please," She told him as he began to dismiss her. "Take the money, I need you to."

Foxxy and Mike even nodded to Spanky as they thought this would be good for the princess.

"All right, fine." Spanky grumbled as he took the money.

"Okay, now, here's how it's gonna go down," Foxxy said as she stood up in front of the others. "I'll go finish my hair, Spanky, you order the pizza, and Clara? You go into the confessional, and tell the camera how you never felt so alive."

"How about me, Mama Foxxy?" Mike asked. "What do I do?"

"Why don't you go with her?" Foxxy suggested.

"Um, okay..." Mike shrugged.

Confession

Mike Mazinsky-Love: Pre-teenage Transvestite as of three weeks ago.

"Well, I have to admit," Mike told the cameras. "Seeing Clara being happy kinda made me happy... Even if she's a bit of a racist homophobe, but I feel like I had to make her happy, ya know? I'm happy for her, though I can see this ending up disgusting and troublesome."

End of Confession

Later...

Mike stood by Clara as she dialed the pizza restaurant number while Spanky was holding the phone for her. The fairy tale princess was so excited, though Spanky felt like this was going to be a huge mistake which wasn't as big as when he converted to Islam in August of 2001.

"Um, I would like to order one large pizza," Clara said on the phone. "Um, yes, with doody on it!"

Spanky groaned as Clara messed it up before he took the phone. "Hello?" he then asked before clearing his throat and sounded just like Clara. "Sorry about that, we'll just take the pizza plain... Just plain!" he then hung up.

"Wow, nice impression." Mike said to Spanky.

"Thank you," Spanky said, still in Clara's voice. "Now tuck in your shirt."

Mike just rolled her eyes to that with a small smirk.

"I'm sorry, Spanky!" Clara cried out.

"Look, forget it," Spanky replied before clearing his voice back to normal. "Look, just let me and Foxxy handle it from here. That way, nothing can possibly go wrong."

"Oh, my God!" Foxxy cried out. "I braided my hair into rows! I can't get 'em out!"

Mike took out a chair, stood on it, and tried to fix Foxxy's hair.

"You do not touch a black woman's hair unless she say so!" Foxxy bumped Mike out of the chair.

"Ow!" Mike yelped. "I'm sorry, Foxxy, I was just trying to help."

"Now who's gonna open the door while I poop on the pizza?" Spanky wondered. "Who? Come on!"

"Spanky, I really think Clara should answer the door," Mike replied. "I mean, not even Wooldoor could mess that up!"

"She's right," Clara added. "I can do it!"

"No way, José !" Spanky glared as he hopped out of his chair. "You'll just screw it up again!"

"Come on, Spanky," Clara begged. "Give me a second chance... Weren't you given a second chance when you were given that dead teacher's liver?"

Spanky bowed his head. "You know, you're right... I'll let you do it..." he then brought out a bottle. "Here's to second chances, kid!" he then chugged down the bottle for himself.

Eventually, they all waited in the living room as the pizza would be there in 30 minutes or less. Foxxy was stuck there as, in Clara's words, she was more useless than a Mexican. The doorbell soon rang and Spanky stopped pacing.

"Well, hello, Mr. Pizza Man." Clara smiled and waved as she answered the door.

"$8.26 this time, and please, no funny business!" The delivery man glared as it was the same from last night.

"Don't give him the money yet, give the pizza first, so I can duke on it!" Spanky whispered to the princess.

"You know, it would be so much easier for me to pay you, if you give me the pizza first." Clara told the delivery man.

"Oh, I do not see how that could possibly be easier," The delivery man replied. "No, give me the money first!"

"Okay, Pizza Man... We'll do it your way." Clara sighed in defeat and paid the man which made Spanky face-palm.

The delivery man soon took the money and handed over the pizza.

"You incompetent boob!" Spanky groaned to Clara. "You gave him the money first, and now he's gone! I can't believe I trusted you!"

"It's okay, Clara, it was your first try." Mike soothed.

"Wait for it." Clara smirked as she had a trick up her sleeve.

"Ma'am, you only gave me $5!" The delivery man called out from behind the door. "I need more, please!"

"Just give me a second!" Clara called back before giving the pizza to Spanky with a smirk.

Foxxy glared slightly, from her hatred of Clara or something else, Mike couldn't quite tell right now. Spanky soon sat on the pizza while reading a newspaper. 

"Oh, I'm glad you came back, because we got a problem," Spanky told the delivery man as he came over with the pizza at hand. "Ya see, I don't remember ordering a pizza with, uh, SAUSAGE!"

"Augh, it's still fresh!" Mike groaned as she could smell the piece of crap from where she was standing.

The pizza man sniffed the pizza and soon passed out from disgust.

"Oh, my God, I think you killed him." Mike said.

"Ah, he's fine." Spanky shrugged.

Soon enough, an ambulance and the police came to take the pizza delivery man into the emergency room, and Spanky was even put under arrest.

"That was quite a sick prank..." Mike commented.

"Oh, I miss him already." Clara sighed.

"So, uh, Clara, how's your passion?" Mike asked.

"Wilder than ever..." Clara sighed dreamily. "I gotta do it more with... Him..."

"This kinda reminds me of a movie..." Mike shrugged.

"I've seen this a million times, child," Foxxy told Mike. "Daddy's Little Girl falls for some bad boy, and then she goes and get herself pregnant, and sells the child on the Black Market to pay the bills."

"Uh, I don't know about that last part..." Mike blinked.

"I do..." Foxxy blinked sadly with tears in her eyes. "Hold on, Timmy... Mommy misses you."

Soon enough, the next day, Clara began to prank happily with Spanky when she bailed him out of the police station, but it was doomed to fail from the start because the King came to stop Clara from spending time with him. 

"Hey, Mike," Xandir came toward the tomboy. "Wanna come to the Mall with me?"

"Why?" Mike asked. "I thought you always went with Captain Hero."

"I DO, BUT HE DOESN'T WANNA DO IT ANYMORE!" Xandir cried out as mascara ran down his face and he broke down into tears while hugging her.

"How is this not the weirdest night of my life?" Mike said to the fourth wall.


	8. The Big Twist

Tonight was a big night for Mike and her Drawn Together family. This was the first season finale, and hopefully, the first of many, and not the series ending forever due to low ratings or unpopularity. However, today, everyone looked a little bored, it was beginning to take toll on everyone. Captain Hero looked quite victimized by it as he paced around with one camera following him and he looked like he had wanted the camera dead. 

"Ugh, you're just gonna leave that there, Bitch?" Toot huffed as she saw Captain Hero toss a tissue over his shoulder only to miss the trashcan. "PICK IT UP!"

"Fuck you, Fatty Booba!" Captain Hero glared.

"Pick it up or I'm sending ya back to Hell!" Toot glared back as she brought out a gun.

"All right, Toot, drop your weapon!" Clara narrowed her eyes as she held out her own gun.

"No, you drop it!" Xandir glared as he had his own gun.

"Nobody holds a gun to my girl, but me!" Spanky glared as he held out his own gun.

"ALL RIGHT, LET'S FUCKING DO THIS!" Wooldoor snapped as he brought out numerous guns, knives, and a crossbow, and even held one gun against himself. "I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE!"

"Guys, cut it out!" Mike interrupted the other housemates. 

"It ain't no use, Mike child," Foxxy sighed to her adoptive daughter. "We're gonna need to have a house meeting."

"I hope there's no guns involved." Mike hoped and prayed.

Later on, Foxxy called a house meeting and stood beside Mike while everyone else sat on the couches. 

"Now, I know being in front of all these cameras has us all a little ticked." Foxxy told the other housemates.

"Oh, ticked?" Xandir laughed nervously. "It's just that living in this fish bowl is playing tricks on my mind!"

Wooldoor then randomly swam in front of him and ate fish flakes.

"Xandir's right," Toot agreed with the video game character. "Overtime being on this reality show, how many times have you guys really been in a Mexican stand-off?"

"I'm not even gonna ask..." Mike groaned. "Anyway, you guys are family to me, and I hate to see you guys tear each other apart. Mama Foxxy is obviously the closest thing I've had to a mother... Clara, you're like a big sister to me."

"Oh, that's sweet of you to say, Mike, but you're too adrongynous to be my sister," Clara replied. "Would you settle for step-sister who's jealous of my beautiful singing voice and good looks?"

Mike rolled her eyes. "Captain Hero and Spanky, you're both like my uncles."

"Pull my tail, kid." Spanky smirked.

"Oh, an uncle I am to you, am I?" Captain Hero grinned. "Come over here then, Mike, and sit on my lap and tell me what you want for Christmas."

"No..." Mike muttered. "Toot, you're like my other sister who I love and protect."

"Well, that makes one of them." Toot smiled innocently.

"Xandir, you're my big brother, who I think is just afraid of commitment..." Mike replied as she didn't believe Xandir was fully gay. "And of course, Wooldoor, you're my little brother, and Ling-Ling is my pet."

"Ling-Ling will take that as compliment from Mike-san." Ling-Ling bowed to Mike.

"We're sorry, Mike, but it's just that we're like a bunch of monkeys dancing in front of the camera, and what do we get in return?" Toot glared. "Nothing! At least monkeys get to be offed by their owners once in a while!"

"Pillsbury Dough Broad is right!" Captain Hero agreed before poking Toot in her belly to make her giggle. "I mean, on Big Brother, you win half a million bucks!"

"AND ON SURVIVOR YOU COULD WIN A MILLION!" Xandir added.

"And on The Bachelor, you could win love~" Spanky sighed dreamily.

"I say we smash the cameras, and blow the whole house up!" Toot grinned as she brought out an ax.

"Uh, let's not and say we did," Mike smiled nervously to Toot and got her to calm down. "Nobody's gonna blow up anything, now, Mama Foxxy and I suggest that we talk to The Producers to work something out."

"I've got the number right here." Foxxy added as she brought out a calling card.

"I've got a thing or two to say to those fucking Jews!" Toot glared as she stormed toward the phone with the card.

"Oh, Toot, let me handle this..." Mike smiled nervously. 

"No, no, you've done enough for me, Mike..." Toot replied as she then took the phone and then insulted the Producers over the line which worried the other housemates as it would look bad for their show's reputation. "Do not take that dial tone with me!"

"Oh, this could be bad..." Mike said nervously.

'Housemates, as punishment for making me talk to that Fatty Fat Fat Fat, we're going to reveal the new twist!' The Producers said on the intercom.

"Uh, the new twist?" Mike asked.

Suddenly, the house was being locked down like in a prison with no way in or no way out. 

"What is going on?!" Xandir yelped.

'Now, you can't leave.' The Producers told the housemates.

"Oh, my God, we're trapped, I'm totally freaking out!" Captain Hero yelped. "I wish the Green Lantern was here!"

"Why?" Mike asked. "Because he would get us out of here with his powers?"

"No, because he always knows how to relax me." Captain Hero smiled dreamily.

Mike rolled her eyes in response to that.

"Okay, that's it," Toot narrowed her eyes while grabbing TNT. "Let's blow this goddamn house to bits!"

"Toot, violence ain't the answer," Foxxy stopped her. "Some of the greatest leaders like Gandhi, Dr. King, and Rocky IV for instance, accomplished the impossible through non-violent nature, and so can we."

"Not to mention Action Guy," Mike replied. "Especially that time when he rescued The Delicate Flower Princess from the Evil Banana Guy, along with his faithful canine companion, Webster."

"That's beautiful, baby," Foxxy hugged her. "And now, until the Producers make it worth our while, I say we have an old-fashioned sit-in."

Clara laughed at the mention of that.

"And what is so funny, Princess Bigot?" Mike glared.

"Oh, silly black people," Clara smiled innocently. "They think they always can accomplish anything by just sitting around."

"I'm gonna choose to ignore that, some come on, people, fight the power!" Foxxy replied as she then ran down the stairs. "Come on, let's go, go, go, go, go, go!"

"Uh, Mama Foxxy, what exactly is a sit-in?" Mike asked.

"In February 1, 1960, four African American college students sat down at a lunch counter at Woolworth's in Greensboro, North Carolina, and politely asked for service," Foxxy educated. "Their request was refused. When asked to leave, they remained in their seats."

"Now I know." Mike replied.

"And knowin' is half the battle, baby!" Foxxy gave a thumb's up.

"G.I. FOXXY~" A random chorus sang.

A random star with a rainbow trail then flew across the screen with the words "THE MORE YOU KNOW: NBC". 

Mike then decided to sit with Foxxy. Toot laughed maliciously and was about to pull the lever to explode the house. The housemates looked torn on whether to join Mike and Foxxy or Toot. 

"I say we do what the urchin says," Spanky shrugged before sitting down. "After all, we are family to this parent-less twat."

"I should've started talking earlier." Wooldoor randomly stated as they joined Mike and Foxxy since Mike was their family.

"Mike is my best friend..." Toot grumbled in defeat as she soon sat down.

"That's right, Producers, you can do on with your thang," Foxxy glared at the camera. "Mama didn't raise no fools, and Papa didn't raise me at all, so we ain't movin' 'til we get some prize!"

Everyone hollered in agreeing response to Foxxy's exclamation. 

"How long does a sit-in last?" Mike asked Foxxy.

"As long as it takes, Honey, as long as it takes." Foxxy replied as she patted Mike on the head.

Everyone sat in silence for a good while. It was so quiet you could hear a quiet clock ticking by the seconds. Everyone seemed to take a turn with blinking as they didn't have anything to do, but just sit down until they got what they wanted.

'Fine...' The Producers soon gave in. 'You win.'

And with that, the prison had raised which meant that they were all now free. The front door then opened which nearly blinded everyone due to the outside coming into the darkness of the inside. A red carpet was brought out as a couple of adults with baskets of dollar bills like they were royal rose petals appeared to welcome in someone, and brought out a couple of large checks to present their special guest. 

"Who are you?" Mike asked the stubborn looking young boy who came through the checks who looked like a cross between Richie Rich and Donald Trump.

"I am Bucky Bucks, a multi-billionaire" The boy introduced himself. "The Producers have sent me here to announce a competition. The winner of which will help me work my empire as my apprentice."

The others clamored together as they wondered about Bucky Bucks being there.

"Well, guys, this is the opportunity we've been sittin' for!" Foxxy smiled to the others. "I say we do it!"

"I don't know, I don't know if I trust him." Mike replied.

"Aw, come on, Mike, what have you got to lose?" Spanky asked.

Toot glared as she didn't like Bucky Bucks either. "I'm with ya, Mike, something doesn't feel right, and it's not just the shit stain on my tampon I put in this morning without showering!"

"I didn't need to know that..." Mike grimaced. 

"Let's just play along for right now," Toot replied before standing up for Bucky. "I am Toot and this is Mike! We will play your business game!"

"Uh, right..." Mike added in.

"Thatta girl, Mike!" Foxxy smiled.

Bucky blinked and gestured to Mike. "That's a girl?"

Suddenly, the Drawn Together housemates were going to be in a parody reality show of The Apprentice with Bucky Bucks as their host. However, it was going to be boys against girls. Mike looked between the guys and the women, wondering where to go since she was a girl, but she felt more like a boy, so she decided to go with them, even if Foxxy and Toot were on the girls' side. 

"As L. Ron Hubbard, Mel Gibson, and the wildly popular Islamic Land Amusement Park have taught us, religion is big business," Bucky told the housemates. "So, that's why for your first challenge, you will convince people to accept Jesus Christ as their lord and savior. Aaaand, go!"

"Oh, this could be a challenge..." Mike said to herself as she followed the others into the church.

Clara was the team leader for the girls, and they made a video of her and Foxxy portrayed as evil Jews whipping Toot who was playing Jesus on the crucifix. Mike and the boys went to a hospital, and taught sick kids to put their trust in Jesus, even though Mike felt like that was wrong.

"Nice job," Bucky told the boys before turning to the girls. "And how did you ladies do?"

"We made $617,000,000." Clara smiled.

"Wow, you guys got your asses whipped." Bucky commented.

The girls then cheered as they thought that was a good thing.

"Well, guys, someone is getting fired..." Bucky smirked to Mike and the other guys.

Confession

"I bet it's going to be me..." Mike sighed. "I mean, nothing against those who believe in God and Jesus or anything, but... I'm actually an agnostic... So, I'm not sure whether to believe or not. I've never been crazy about religion, not now or ever..."

End of Confession

 

"Wooldoor Sockbat," Bucky began. "Since you're the least likely to cause conflict or have sex with anyone, you're... Fired."

Wooldoor soon cried and ran out of Bucks Tower in depression.

"Oh, poor Wooldoor." Mike frowned to the yellow whatchamacallit.

Bucky soon smoked a cigarette once Wooldoor was gone. 

"In business, you need to stay in control," Bucky told the housemates once they were outside by his limo. "As part of your next challenge, you'll be in charge of an air traffic control tower, aaand go!"

Mike soon joined the guys in their space. 

"No, MY LEFT!" Spanky yelled as he wore the head-set. "MY LEFT! Whatya mean you're losing attitude?! You've given me plenty of attitude!"

"Ling-Ling, watch out!" Mike yelped.

An airplane soon crashed onto the battle monster.

"Ling-Ling...!" Mike hoarsely cried out as she thought he was dead.

Later...

"Well, team, you've both lost the competition, and a member of your team," Bucky told the group. "Xandir, I can't help but feeling this is all your fault."

"What?!" Xandir gasped. "I'm a certified air traffic controller with 10 years of experience!"

"I heard gay traffic controller with gay years of experience!" Spanky smirked as he then high-fived Captain Hero. 

"Spanky does bring up a pretty good point," Bucky admitted. "Xandir, you're fired."

Xandir soon cried and left while Mike was also crying.

"I guess gays stick together." Spanky said to Captain Hero about Mike.

"No, I'm crying because of Ling-Ling!" Mike glared with tears in her eyes. "He's dead! Dead, you hear me?! And he was only two-years-old!"

Toot merely smirked as she knew that the ones being elimated could help her out. 

"As you all know, in the world of business, it's important to have the power of invisibility." Bucky told the housemates as it was time for the next challenge.

Clara soon seemed to vanish in thin air.

"Uh, guys?" Mike asked Foxxy and Toot. "Where did Clara go?"

"Where is she?" Bucky added. "I shall not tolerate tardiness!"

"You ever notice whenever he talks, he sounds like he's trying so hard to take a shit?" Mike whispered to the camera about the way Bucky talked.

"If anyone sees Clara, tell her that she's fired!" Bucky glared. "You too, Mazinsky!"

"What?!" Mike glared. "What did I do?!"

"How dare you insult my way of speaking!" Bucky glared. "Get out of my sight before I reunite you with your parents!"

"How did you know my parents were dead?" Mike asked.

"OUT!" Bucky told her.

Mike blinked, and soon walked off with a broken heart.

"Aw, Mike Baby, I'll miss you..." Foxxy cooed.

"I'll miss you too, Mama Foxxy..." Mike told her foster mother. "I'll root for you."

The two shared a quick and tearful hug before Mike went off, wondering where to go until Wooldoor and Xandir pulled her into the alley.

"Wooldoor?! Xandir?!" Mike asked. 

"Shh..." Xandir told her. "We're gonna help Toot with her revenge."

"Yeah, it's gonna be awesome!" Wooldoor grinned darkly with a gun.

"Why do I have a bad feeling about this?" Mike asked herself.

"Don't worry, Mike..." Toot smirked as she came up behind Mike as Clara had been elimanated. "I would never hurt you, it's about our show."

"Toot!" Mike gasped. "I thought you seemed kind of evil after every challenge."

"Yes, Mike, it's true, but you better not tell anyone about this, or I'll have to put you on some pizza, stuff you inside of a Thanksgiving turkey, deep fry it, and dip it in chocolate, and eat you in one bite!" Toot threatened.

"Man, Toot, you have issues." Mike commented.

The challenges passed and passed until it was down to two. Foxxy and Toot now had to go up against each other in a Jell-O wrestling match.

"Ling-Ling, you're okay?" Mike asked out of shock.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Ling-Ling shrugged.

"I... But... You... And... Airplane... You... You died!" Mike told him.

"Ling-Ling don't know what you talking about, Mike-san." Ling-Ling shrugged.

Mike stammered and soon held her head. "Ugh, brain cramp!"

"Ling-Ling know just what lesbian Mike-san need... Mike-san need to see wrestling match between Foxxy and Toot," Ling-Ling smirked. "Ling-Ling's tail just erecting like penis when seeing underage Asian school girls shower together in boarding house or in Ouran High School."

Mike blinked and then shrugged as the wrestling match soon began against Foxxy and Toot. Bucky had the biggest grin on his face as he watched the two women wrestle each other. Mike wasn't sure why, but she felt like she liked this. Something about two women fighting each other, getting sticky, wet, and sloppy just felt strange. Her palms sweated, her face felt hot, and her heart raced. Was this what it meant to be turned on? 

Soon enough, Toot sucked up all of the Jell-O in her mouth after Foxxy threw her face-first into it, and she began to absorb in great weight like a sponge soaking up liquid. 

"TOOTZILLA!" Mike cried out. "Oh, uh, sorry, Ling-Ling, are you Japanese?"

"Ling-Ling don't even know anymore, man." Ling-Ling shrugged about his personal ethnicity. 

"Get the fuck out!" Foxxy cried out.

Toot was about to squash on top of Foxxy only to fall on her back and lose the match. 

"Well, congratulations, Hot Black Girl," Bucky told Foxxy as he arrived with a microphone. "You're the winner. Yay. Yay."

Everyone looked disappointed that Foxxy had won the game. Foxxy was so proud of herself that she even cried tears of joy.

"NO, THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!" Toot cried out.

A bunch of sea gulls soon landed on Toot and began to peck at her fat body like she was a beached whale. Foxxy smiled as she won a medal and a bouquet of flowers. 

"Well, Foxxy, I've been keeping a secret from you, and it's time for you to know the truth," Bucky told Foxxy. "I'm not really a billionaire. I'm like, broke and stuff."

"What?!" Foxxy gasped. "You're broke!? You mean there ain't no job for me so I can support Mike until she goes to college?!"

"Nope, isn't that crazy?" Bucky smiled innocently before dully laughing and removing his face like a mask to show a ginger-haired young man's face. "You wanna feel even stupider? As another twist, I'm actually Mike's biological father."

Everyone else gasped in shock.

"Really?" Mike asked.

"Nah, not really, I'm actually..." The man replied before he removed his face to show it was a mask. "The Jew Producer."

Everyone gasped in even more shock. 

"What... But... I..." Foxxy stammered and then fell to her knees. "Son of a bitch..."

"What is going on?!" Xandir cried out. 

"Wow, this was fun," The Jew Producer chuckled. "Especially screwing with Mike about her biological father. Later!" he then ran off to the helicopter to ride away. 

"Mama Foxxy, are you gonna be okay?" Mike asked.

"I'll be fine..." Foxxy cried and sniffled. "Mama needs a moment..."

Toot tried to comfort Foxxy only to be pushed away at first.

"Toot, no one has ever told you this..." Foxxy told the sex symbol. "But you was right!"

"Uh, DUUUUUUUUHHHHH!!!!" Toot glared slightly.

"We gotta fight back!" Foxxy told the others. "We got to blow this house up and kill them all!"

"And not just because of what they did to you, Mama Foxxy, but what they've down to all our reality TV show brethern and sistern." Mike glared. 

"She right," Foxxy nodded. "We gotta fight back for the major millionaire who's actually born pretty retarded!"

"We need to fight for everyone!" Mike added. "It's our time, guys, it's our time down here! Reality TV has had its last twist, and it all ends now!"

"LET'S BLOW UP THIS FUCKING HOUSE!" Toot glared.

Everyone else agreed to this decision.

"Follow me!" Foxxy told the others as she ran off. "BUCKY, WE GOTS TO BORROW THAT HELICOPTER!"

"What are you doing?!" The Jew Producer yelped before starting the helicopter to escape from them.

"Captain Hero, stop that producer!" Mike told the superhero.

Captain Hero rushed toward the helicopter and grabbed onto it to bring it down only to be pulled with it into the sky. Toot then grabbed onto his ankles to pull him down since she was heavier than he was. Once the helicopter was down, they threw the Jew Producer out of the door.

"Okay, guys, now's our chance!" Foxxy told the others.

"Kill them." The Jew Producer demnaded.

The cameras soon came to life and stalked after the Drawn Together housemates.

"What is this place?!" Mike panicked.

"It's evolution gone mad!" Spanky told her.

Xandir soon fought with his sword against the cameras while Ling-Ling used his battle moves like in Pokemon or Digimon. 

"Anybody know how to fly this thing?" Clara asked the others as she held the controllers.

Mike suddenly remembered the time when she told Lu and Og about helicopters before it ended in disaster on the island.

"Tank, quick!" Wooldoor said on his cell phone. "I need to learn how to fly a 3-1000 Firefox!" he then suddenly jittered and was now in a pilot outfit. "Move over, Princess."

Spanky soon shot a machine gun against the cameras while Xandir and Ling-Ling got into the helicopter, and Wooldoor flew them away from the house. 

"Buckle up, everyone!" Wooldoor called out as he made the helicopter dodge an incoming missile, but it followed him.

"The hell are you doing?" Clara asked the pilot.

The others nodded as they knew what was coming.'

"Why are you all nodding?" Clara asked.

"I'm as puzzled as you are." Mike told her.

"Hold on, everyone!" Wooldoor called out as he crashed through the house and the missile soon exploded without them.

"I think I saw this on the Real World." Spanky smiled as they all cheered except for Clara and Mike.

"Hold on, guys, we've got company." Wooldoor told the others.

The Jew Producer soon rode on another missile and hit the helicopter and it exploded. 

"WE'RE HIT! WE'RE HIT!" Xandir cried out. "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

"Yes, I guess it really is Gay Over!" Captain Hero taunted before high-fiving Spanky.

The helicopter soon spun around and around out of control as this looked like the end for everyone. Mike then joined hands with them all as she looked like she was going to cry. What was going to happen to them all?


	9. Another Big Twist

The helicopter kept spinning around and around. Everyone was screaming as it looked like they were going to be dead.

"Captain Hero, use your superpowers or something!" Mike cried out to the superhero. "Captain Hero? Captain Hero!"

The back soon opened up and the air was nearly sucking them through. Toot found a pack of peanuts on the floor and tried to reach for it, only to be held back by her seat-belt. 

"Toot, no, it's not worth it!" Xandir cried out as he saw the sex symbol about to unlatch her seat-belt.

"I have to try!" Toot told him as she soon unlatched the seat-belt only to plummet out into the sky. "OH, GODDAMMIT!"

"TOOT!" Mike cried out. 

The helicopter soon crashed and landed on an island. 

"Well, this, like Xandir in a room full of China Men, blows chunks!" Spanky smirked.

"Really?!" Mike groaned. "I'm alive though, I can't believe it... Um, has anyone seen Ling-Ling?"

"Here he at." Foxxy smiled as she looked down.

Ling-Ling then smiled back as he came out of her pants.

"Them Asians sure do love the brown sauce." Foxxy commented.

"Ling-Ling, what are you doing in there?" Mike asked her battle monster before reaching him out. "Oh, um, sorry about that, Mama Foxxy."

"Aw, it okay," Foxxy smiled. "He didn't hurt nobody."

"Ling-Ling know the safest place on airplane is black box." Ling-Ling bowed to Mike.

"Uh... Okay then..." Mike shrugged. "Oh, well, at least you're alive."

"Whee! That was fun!" Wooldoor smiled. "Did everybody make it?"

"Hmm... Let's see..." Clara hummed as she examined all of them. "Little Retard, Swine, Rat, Big Retard, Parentless Butch, Xandir, Black Moon, hey, where's Fatty Fatty 2x4 Can't Fit Through the Kitchen Door?"

Mike put her hand to her ear as she soon heard a cry for help. She then turned to the ocean and jumped into the water and swam after Toot.

"Mike, you came to save me!" Toot gasped.

"Of course I did, Toot," Mike smiled. "You're my best friend."

A shark soon came and brought Toot under the water.

"Toot!" Mike cried out before glaring. "Mess with the best, die like the rest!"

There was then a pool of blood above the water.

"Oh, no, I'm too late..." Mike frowned.

Toot soon came back up on top and ate the shark that was now dead.

"Uh... No comment..." Mike blinked. "Thank goodness you're okay, Toot."

"Hey, Mike," Toot smiled with her mouth full. "You want a bite?"

"Uh, maybe later," Mike said. "Come on, let's get you over to shore."

Mike and Toot then came back to where the others were.

"Hm... This kinda looks like the island I exchanged to from New York." Mike commented.

"So, what do we do?" Foxxy asked.

"I guess we get settled in." Mike shrugged. 

Soon enough, everyone settled onto the island and did what they could do to survive. 

"Look, everyone!" Clara announced as she looked into the distance. "It's that asshole, Jeff Probst!"

"No, not Jeff Probst!" Mike cried out.

The reality TV Show host soon came in while standing on dolphins which brought him toward the island. "Survivors, immensities are up for grabs." He then told them.

Everybody then cheered for him.

"Hmm... Now this kinda reminds me of The StayLongers." Mike commented.

"This island is home to the Wannatuku Tribe," Jeff Probst told the housemates. "These indigenous people survived here for centuries, so your next challenge is... My cock."

"No, thanks." Mike cringed in disgust.

The island women soon pulled down Jeff Probst's shorts to show his penis which disgusted Mike since she didn't like the sights of those things. 

"HOLD UP!" Foxxy called out as she removed the shirt from her head to show a huge afro. "We don't need to be humiliated and exploited like this anymore."

"But!" Xandir cried out as he looked to Jeff Probst's penis.

"But nuthin'!" Foxxy told him. "We have done an entire season of this reality TV crap. We're big stars now! Fame and fortune awaits us, y'all!"

Everyone then cheered as they had stars in their eyes.

"I wanna be even bigger than that douchebag, Jeff Probst!" Clara gushed.

"Are you sure about this, Mama Foxxy?" Mike asked.

"No worries, Sugah," Foxxy coaxed. "I have a way out of this miserable reality TV island. Follow me!"

Mike turned around to see the big city right behind them and they soon walked toward it with Foxxy leading the way. 

"Wait! Where are you going?" Jeff Probst called to them. "You'll be back! They all come back!"

Soon enough, they were all going down the runway in a bi-plane and they left the scene and came to Hollywood. Everyone tried to make a show for themselves only to be turned away from every casting manager who didn't seem interested in any of them. Mike felt bad for the housemates as it looked a little bad for them, so they all just went back to the homes they had only ever known.

"So, this is home?" Mike asked as Foxxy brought her to the circus.

"It's home for us now, honey," Foxxy told her as she brought out a large shovel. "Here, baby."

"What's this for?" Mike asked as she took the shovel.

"We have to follow the elephants," Foxxy sighed. "I'm sorry, Baby."

"I'm sorry too, Foxxy..." Mike sighed back. "You know, I had an elephant wash once."

"Uh, an elephant wash?" Foxxy asked.

"Yeah," Mike replied. "My friend Lu wanted to ride an elephant once, but we didn't like the mud, so we decided to give the elephants a bath until Alfred told us that they needed mud to keep them cool in the hot sun."

This was rather depressing for everyone. 

Later on, everyone soon reunited after missing each other, but what brought them together was even worse. They found out that Wooldoor had committed suicide, so they all came to his home world to say goodbye.

"So, this is the Sockbat World..." Mike sighed sharply as they stood over the grave. 

"Sure looks like it." Toot replied as she rubbed her now growling stomach.

"You know, I just don't feel so bad for him." Captain Hero spoke up.

"He's the lucky one..." Xandir sighed as he then tossed a bouquet of flowers for their fallen friend.

"What do we do now?" Toot asked.

"We should go to the only place we all know," Foxxy said. "Come on, guys, let's go home."

"You mean, back to the Drawn Together house?" Mike asked.

"It might be just what we need, Cookie..." Foxxy replied. "That is, if it's okay with you."

"Well, you are all family to me..." Mike admitted. "It might be a good place."

They all soon left the burial ground and came back into the Drawn Together house. 

"Well, well, well..." The Jew Producer greeted smugly. "Look who came crawling back. Do you think you know what it's gonna take to rebuild this house destroyed?'

A giant paintbrush soon came into the scene and then fixed the house right up because of cartoon physics.

"What... How... Why...?" Mike stammered and held her head. "Ugh!"

"Where is Wooldoor?" The Jew Producer asked.

"He's dead!" Clara cried out with tears in her aqua eyes.

"Did you eat him?" The Jew Producer asked the sex symbol.

"NO!" Toot glared before smiling bashfully. "Though, I am quite hungry... You got any bacon?"

"No, I'm a Jew Producer for Christ--Uh... No, I don't," The Jew Producer replied. "Pity about Wooldoor... Though I guess it's good that the disgusting black and white whale survived."

"Yeah, cuz I saved her." Mike glared at the Jew Producer.

"How nice of you to save a whale." The Jew Producer replied.

"Aw, goddammit!" Toot glared. "I'M NOT A FUCKING WHALE, I'M ONLY SLIGHTLY OVERWEIGHT FOR CHRIST SAKE'S!"

"We want back in the house, Mr. Jew Producer!" Clara glared.

"Hmm... I'll tell you what," The Jew Producer replied. "I'll let you back into the house if you play a little game of Simon Says."

"Why do I not like the way you said that?" Mike muttered.

Everyone gasped in slight horror about the game of Simon Says.

"Let's do it." Xandir glared in determination.

"Simon Says 'touch your nose'." The Jew Producer began.

Mike simply touched her nose with the others.

"Okay, Simon Says give my nice big cock a tease~" The Jew Producer smirked as he pulled down his pants.

"What is with you people and showing me your dick?!" Mike complained.

"Little Orphan Trampy is right," Clara replied. "Foxxy, you said we didn't need to be humiliated anymore. Do we really have to do this?"

"We wants to be big on TV, don't we?" Foxxy glared to her.

Clara nodded with a smile in response.

"Well, then I'm afraid we does," Foxxy replied with tears in her eyes. "I'm afraid we does..."

"Oh, yeah, Simon is a dirty filthy bitch..." The Jew Producer grinned and rubbed his hands together. "A beautiful bitch with a beautiful cock! Simon Says stare directly at his cock! That means you too, Michelene!"

"HEY!" Mike glared at him while everyone else stared at his dick.

"Don't worry, Mike, just pretend it's a hot dog," Toot told her. "A very sweaty, veiny, and hairy hot dog."

"Thanks for ruining my favorite food for me, Toot." Mike groaned.

For the next three and a half hours, The Jew Producer continued to flaunt his junk to the Drawn Together housemates. Mike soon had enough and threw up behind the bushes due to immense disgust. 

"Now that Simon is finished, you can move back into the house." The Jew Producer allowed after zipping up his pants.

Everyone then cheered in response.

"But you need to find one new roommate." The Jew Producer told them which made them stop. 

Everyone soon came into the house to find the one perfect roommate to fill the emptiness of their Drawn Together house. It wouldn't be easy to replace their dead friend which was Dead Guy. The interviews then began.

"So, after you left Mexico--" Xandir began.

The candidate was a hyperactive Speedy Gonzales who clearly had too much crack and was talking so fast that no one could understand him, and he even got himself a violent nosebleed.

"Next!" Mike called out.

"Wilma, tell us about you, girl." Foxxy smiled to the cavewoman who was next.

"I'm the kind of person who uses an armadillo for an iron, and a pterodactyl for a record player, and a prehistoric worm for a tampon." Wilma replied.

"It's a living..." The worm muttered as he was dripping a red substance.

"Next..." Mike winced as she looked quite sick to her stomach again.

"OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE FROM MORTAL KOMBAT?!" Xandir gasped in delight to see Scorpion. "I-I'm from a video game too! Tell me, what's your special move?"

"GET OVER HERE!" Scorpion glared as he grabbed Xandir by stabbing his neck which made blood splash everywhere, and his spine was ripped out of his body which made a FATALITY logo appear like in the video game series.

Though, being a video game character, Xandir just reappeared with an extra life. "Impressive," he then smiled. "My special move is the Reach Around."

Scorpion muttered to himself as he wished he hadn't seen that.

The interviews went on for a while, there were even claymation characters, a finger puppet, and a Monty Python cut-out, but not even they could fill the void of Wooldoor's loss. 

"I brought you all cake and candy from the Peppermint Rainbow." A cute little girl smiled as she brought out boxes.

"I like this girl already!" Toot beamed before she then grabbed a hold of Strawberry Sweetcake and ate her alive. "Ah... I feel so much better... That's gonna give me diabetes."

"TOOT!" Mike yelped before shrugging. "Eh... Whatever... Who's next?"

"I'm not sure if there isn't any--" Clara began.

"Can I move in?" A female voice asked.

"Who said..." Mike began until her eyes widened. "...That?"

A certain blue-haired girl walked over, wearing a faded green/brown jacket with olive green pants and black shoes. 

"Marie Kanker?!" Mike asked.

"Uh, hey, Mike," Marie replied. "I heard about that SpongeBob parody, and I was running away from home and heard about the roommate interviews."

"Uh, well, sure, Marie..." Mike blinked.

Soon enough, the questioning went through, and Marie seemed perfect of becoming a new Drawn Together roommate. 

'Mazal Tov, housemates!' The Jew Producer cheered. 'Welcome to Season 2!'

 

Later on, everyone came to the hot tub to celebrate.

"It's so good to see you, Marie," Mike said. "How's your mother?"

"In rehab," Marie replied. "Oh, you said how, not where, sorry... She's okay, I guess."

"Um, where are Lee and May then?" Mike asked.

"Lee's in Juvey, and I think May got sent to reform school," Marie shrugged as she took a soda and then drank it. "I just wandered the streets, looking in the trash for food, I was in a cold and dark alley for a good way."

"Man, Marie, that sucks," Mike replied. "And I thought I had a hard life."

"Tell me about it," Marie nodded before she rubbed her arm, it was fine now, but she still remembered her father putting his cigarettes out on her, trying to tickle her when she was a baby. "As if my dad wasn't bad enough... So, what exactly happened to Wooldoor?"

"He killed himself..." Mike sighed shallowey. "I just wish I could've been there with him. He was like a little brother to me."

"I kinda wish I had a brother," Marie said to Mike. "Anyone but Lee... May's not that bad, I guess," she then held out her soda. "Here's to Wooldoor."

"To Wooldoor." Mike replied as they clinked their soda cans and drank together.

"Did someone say my name?" A voice asked.

Marie and Mike turned in shock and astonishment.

"Wooldoor, you're alive?!" Mike asked. "We thought you were dead!"

"So did the people who buried me," Wooldor smiled. "Nothing could be further from the truth."

"I don't get it," Marie blinked. "What happened to you?"

"Ah, no biggie, I was just taking my Afternoon Noose Nap," Wooldoor smiled innocently. "I woke up buried six feet beneath, buried in a pine clean box. Luckily I remembered my martial arts training from Kill Bill Volume 2. I punched my way through the plastic, and began to dig, and duck, and dig, and duck, and dig, and duck, and dig, and duck!"

"Huh... That's quite a story..." Marie sighed. "Man, that was short, I guess I'll be going."

"Oh, Marie, don't go," Mike said as she grabbed Marie by her arm. "I want you to stay."

"You do?" Marie asked. "But... Wooldoor's back."

"I know, but... Why don't you stay with us?" Mike offered. "Please... As my roommate?"

Marie smiled. "Thanks, Mike, you're really sweet."

"You're welcome, Marie." Mike replied.

"There's... There's another reason why I came here..." Marie said.

"And that reason would be...?" Mike asked.

Marie got deep in her face. "To be with you... Mike Mazinsky... My best friend..."

"Oh..." Mike blushed. "Uh, come on, let's tell everyone about Wooldoor..."

"Wheeeee!" Wooldoor cheered. "Another happy ending."

And so, Season 2 of Drawn Together kicked off with Wooldoor back from the dead, and Marie was going to be the newest roommate of the series. That's not a ratings trap at all. I'm being sarcastic if you can't tell. Am I talking to myself? I think I am.


End file.
